


The Older, the Young, and the Restless

by Sadaralo



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:18:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1898748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadaralo/pseuds/Sadaralo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Still adjusting to being grounded after injuries sustained during his capture, Admiral Christopher Pike has an opportunity to have the family he'd never allowed himself before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grounded

Admiral Christopher Pike glanced at the chronometer and decided with a restless sigh as he powered down his comm unit that it was quitting time. Reaching for his cane, the wounded former starship captain pushed himself to stand and ambled his way to the door. He called for the lights to be dimmed and with a final glance out the window, pulled the door closed behind him and looked forward to the walk outside in the sunshine.

His final mission as captain of the USS Enterprise had left him crippled after the Romulan, Nero employed the use of a Centaurian slug to ensure Pike’s “cooperation.” The slug had attached itself to his brain stem and resulted in the temporary confinement to a wheelchair. Much to Pike’s vast relief, he had regained most of his ability to walk. He had always been an active man and spending the rest of his life confined to a wheelchair was a fate he was thrilled to have been spared. He still fought against a noticeable limp and required the use of a cane. Even knowing he had been spared a worse fate, the limp still frustrated him. He was used to running on the track at the Academy habitually and now that was outside his present capabilities.

The apartment complex he lived in was only a block away from Starfleet Headquarters and Starfleet Academy. He walked it still, even with the limp. It took him longer, but he had to get outside and get some exercise somehow. And his physical therapist had encouraged the activity. 

It was a gorgeous spring day in San Francisco early April 2258. Cherry blossoms had sprouted overnight practically and turned the landscape a cheerful light pink. As he made his way near the Academy, he caught sight of the parade field; and in the distance he could hear the shouting and cheering of a small crowd of cadets watching fellow cadets play touch football.

The light blue eyed Admiral was tempted to go join them. He enjoyed the company of young people, finding their youthful energy and enthusiasm infectious; but he also knew that his rank was intimidating and he had no wish to spoil their good time. The academy was stressful enough as it was without the senior officers loitering about their after school activities.

Deciding he could get a little closer to the action and still remain on the peripheral, Pike slowly dragged himself through the grass near the trees closest to him. The bleachers were still quite a distance away and the trees might camouflage his presence for at least a little while.

His eyes widened in surprise as he caught sight of eighteen year old Sadara Lochlan among the players. The half Vulcan/half Human hybrid was in her second year at the academy after having skipped a grade in high school. She was extremely competitive, too much sometimes Pike had noted, and especially when she was trying to prove that women could handle anything men could.

She had just intercepted the ball and was attempting a run back when she was tagged down by one of the opposing players. In a way, Pike supposed he shouldn’t have been too surprised; Sadara’s half Vulcan genes made it easier for her to keep up with the guys. He had met her when she first entered the academy a year and a half prior. She was fiery, competitive, determined, intelligent, impulsive, and stubborn. And emotional… for a Vulcan anyway.

He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but she had seemed more subdued lately. The destruction of Vulcan and the near extinction of the Vulcan race had occurred just a few short months ago; and despite not having grown up there, the loss had impacted her just as it had Pike’s former first officer, Spock. And also as Spock had, Sadara had expressed a concern that perhaps her duty now lied on New Vulcan in an attempt to help repopulate the species.

As it turned out, the group decided to call it quits after that play. Most likely had studies to get to and the sun would be setting soon. Some cadets dispersed almost immediately after grabbing their things. Others remained chatting for a while longer on the bleachers.

Sadara was the only one not headed back to the dorm yet. Her best friend, Kathleen Bradley was going to be meeting her at their favorite restaurant across the street in about half an hour. It was Friday night and unless it was finals week, the two young women always went out on Friday night.

Still excited about the interception, Sadara jogged off the field towards the trees where Admiral Pike had been hiding out. A dark eyebrow lifted in surprise as she spotted him and she slowed to a walk.

“Admiral,” she inclined her head respectfully.

A smirk tugged at Pike’s thin lips.

“Aren’t you headed in the wrong direction, cadet?” He teased as she took in her appearance. Though she played sports frequently, her build wasn’t an athletic one. Rather curvaceous actually, particularly for a Vulcan female. Typically they were tall and very thin, but Sadara was considered short for a Vulcan woman and had the wider hips and body fat of a more human female.

Sadara smiled at that and shrugged into a light, teal colored jacket. Her Vulcan physiology was more sensitive to the cooler temperatures, but the color of the jacket was stunning on her. “Not at all, Admiral. I am actually headed across the street to meet Kathy Bradley for our traditional Friday night dinner out. A girl has to have a little fun.”

Her long, chocolate brown hair was up in a simple ponytail and she pulled it free of the jacket she had just put on.

“Well since I live across the street, mind if I join you for the walk over there?” Pike jerked his cane in the direction they would be headed.

Surprise lit up the young woman’s sapphire eyes, but she smiled warmly again. Chris Pike didn’t think he’d ever get used to seeing anyone with pointed ears crack a smile, but he was certain the fact worked in making her smile seem even more endearing.

If I were 20 years younger..., he thought. But I’m not and I’m not even in top notch condition anymore. The normally confident Starfleet officer glanced at his cane and wondered with some discouragement how much it affected how desirable he was to a woman.

“Why don’t you come with us? I’m sure Kathy wouldn’t mind the company. We won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Bingo. As much as I might want to, it would be considered inappropriate for an admiral to socialize with cadets like that. You know that.”

“Don’t you get lonely?” It was out of her mouth before could stop it, but she had wondered who or what he went home to every night. It was no secret that Admiral Pike had remained single throughout his Starfleet career, but he’d never mentioned why.

He was deathly silent for a long moment as they slowly made their way across the street. Sadara of course, could have moved much faster, but keeping pace with Admiral Pike meant that she had to curb her impatience and walk slowly. Pedestrians made their way into various shops and restaurants. Not many cadets from the academy had ventured out yet. The admiral was certain they would emerge like vampires after dark when their older, senior officers had retired for the night.

“All the time,” he admitted finally, but said no more on the matter.

They arrived at the door to the restaurant and Sadara looked up at him with a knowing smile as he opened the door for her. It occurred to him that he treading dangerous waters at that moment; and that if she smiled at him like that again, he might be done for.

“Alright. But just for a drink.”

That smile again.


	2. Drinks

A drink ended up being two or three thanks to the tardiness of one Kathleen Bradley Christopher Pike’s poison of choice was a simple beer, but Sadara, being underage, was relegated to something even more tame; a strawberry lemonade. It occurred to the still handsome admiral that he was very possibly setting a bad example here by having a beer with a cadet too young to even drink, but it was too late to take it back now. The evening was shaping up to be full of uncharacteristically questionable choices for the former starship captain.

“I knew you were competitive, but I didn’t realize you meant to beat men at their own games,” he joked, implying the football game he’d watched part of earlier. A small smile touched his lips, but he couldn’t help but wonder if there was more driving her to be so competitive with men. Their drinks appeared in front of them and the slightly graying Starfleet officer took a sip of his beer.

“I want to be a starship captain one day,” Sadara said matter of factly. “If that means I have to work to be the best of the guys instead of the best of the girls then that’s what I’ll work for.”

Pike turned his head to gaze at her. Silence hung between them like a thin curtain for a moment as he contemplated that. “Isn’t it illogical to try to be something you’re not?”

“A starship captain, admiral? Everyone starts out striving to be something they’re not.”

“I meant a man.” No one was better at semantics than a Vulcan. She knew full well what he meant, but feigned confusion to make her point. She’d be deadly at a negotiating table, that much he was certain.

“I miss it,” he said softly after a moment. “Starship command. The Enterprise.”

“No one quite like her back here?” Sadara was fishing. She knew it. He knew it. He just didn’t know what to do with it so he brought the beer mug to his lips again. He took more than a sip this time.

Sadara waited patiently as she sipped her own drink. Strawberry lemonade done right could be quite tart and she loved it. She glanced at him insanely curious what had driven him to remain so single and lonely most of his adult life. All sorts of possibilities paraded themselves in the forefront of her mind. Had he lost someone close to him in the past because of Starfleet. If not, was he fearful of that? She was a psychology student and the truth was people fascinated her for all sorts of reasons. The combination of genetics, environment, and culture culminated in unique individuals. She found that process irresistible. 

Pike looked straight ahead, his expression spoke of his loneliness and was almost wistful. “I have no one back here. Or anywhere else.”

“Just never found the right woman?”

Pike shook his head and looked back at his companion once more. His light blue eyes were serious and almost sad. “I chose not to. I’ve seen too many comrades lost in the line of duty that left spouses and young children behind. I couldn’t do that to my family so I chose not to have one. And now… I’m 50. I’m not certain now is a better time either.”

“50 is hardly ancient for a human anymore, Admiral.”

“Maybe, but with this injury I wouldn’t be much fun for a little boy or tomboy…,” he smiled at the young woman. “out in the front yard or the football field.”

“Old battle scars getting you down?” The Vulcan/Human hybrid frowned with concern. She realized it had to be a difficult adjustment for such a charismatic, independent man to be forced out of starship command due to injury. He’d approached his work at Starfleet HQ and the Academy with such focus and dedication that perhaps she’d erroneously assumed it had been a fairly easy transition for him all things considered.

They both fell silent again and the background noise from the other patrons and restaurant staff filled the room.

“Sometimes. You know, you’re pretty good at drawing things out of people. I can see why psychology would be a good fit for you.”

That drew a sheepish grin out of the young cadet. “It wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t digging around in people’s minds. I just seem to be able to do it without the Vulcan mind meld.”

Setting his now empty mug down, Pike flagged down the bartender for another beer and took a sip as soon as it materialized in front of him. He was trying to distract himself from the irritating fact that Sadara was young and vibrant and beautiful. And he really shouldn’t spend any more time with her like this. He wasn’t directly in her chain of command so technically speaking it wasn’t out of the question for him to get involved with her. There could still be repercussions though. Were they to become involved, many might see the relationship as inappropriate anyway due to the age difference. And many would be prone to speculate that she was with him for his rank and clout, which could theoretically be used to benefit her. It wouldn’t break the rules, but it would still look bad to many people and could be a source of derision for them.

And part of him had to consider the possibility that he was reading too much into her words and actions. She might simply be being polite and concerned. He’d been around the block a few times and it sure seemed that she was flirting with him at least a little bit though. He gazed at her a moment longer, curious what she was thinking, and then turned back to glance at the back of the bar. Always had to be on the lookout for cadets getting themselves into trouble. That was when Kathleen Bradley finally bounded up to the bar.

“Admiral Pike!” She said, surprised.

“Cadet Bradley. Don’t be out too late, you two. Finals are coming up soon,” Pike said as he rose from his barstool and set his now empty second glass back down on the table.

“Thanks for reminding us,” Bradley mock pouted.

“My pleasure. Cadet Lochlan. See you two around.” He gave Sadara a small smile and headed back outside and toward the building behind the one they were in.

Kathy waited until he was outside before she looked at her best friend in stunned, but excited disbelief.

“Did he just show up or what?” She asked as she flagged down a member of the restaurant’s staff to seat them in one of the nearby booths. The redheaded Irish woman preferred booths to barstools.

Sadara shook her head as she got up with the rest of her strawberry lemonade and followed Kathy’s lead. “He was watching the street football game earlier and caught me on my way over here so we walked together and ended up getting drinks.”

“Your idea I’m certain,” Kathy said as she slid into her seat and gave the waitress her drink order. “I’ve seen the way you look at him”

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do. You’ve got it bad, girl. I’m stunned you weren’t drooling all over him.”

“Charisma is sexy.”

“Yes it is, but aren’t there guys more our age that have the same quality?”

“No doubt,” Sadara nodded. “But they don’t have any experience.”

“You like them broken in and seasoned then?” Bradley chuckled. She could see that about her best friend. “Well, happy hunting then.”

Kathy was happy to continue discussing the subject with Sadara, but she figured it was likely just a crush on a mentor and that it would go away on its own. She didn’t see that there was any way it would get serious on either Sadara’s part or Admiral Pike’s.

Starfleet Academy cadets weren’t always right though.


	3. Saturday Happenings

“Where are we going now?” Sadara asked, as she set their breakfast on the table. Fortunately, the two roommates had pretty similar tastes in food so cooking something they both liked worked out more often than not. Most of the week the two women simply used the food slots or visited the dining facility on campus, but on the weekends, they chose to take turns cooking in their room. It was Saturday so that meant it was Sadara’s day in the kitchen. This morning it was a favorite; french toast.

Sadara was almost afraid of the answer about what Kathy Bradley had on the agenda for their Saturday. Kathy came out of the other room and dropped herself into the chair opposite Sadara. Kathy was into the paranormal and one Saturday a month she insisted on exploring some new purportedly haunted location on Earth. Somehow over the course of their friendship, the cheerful, outspoken redhead had managed to suck the more skeptical Sadara into joining her on these little investigations. 

Being half Vulcan, Sadara knew that to some extent, and at least, for Vulcans some measure of life after death did exist in the form of the katra or “living spirit.” These were typically stored in katric arks or katra stones. As far as Sadara was aware though, hauntings, particularly of the variety many humans supposedly experienced and believed in, didn’t occur on Vulcan. Sadara couldn’t discount the possibility that humans had some form of afterlife as well, but so far this had been more difficult to prove than Vulcan katras. She supposed she accompanied Kathy mainly out of curiosity, but she did bring a healthy dose of skepticism to the proceedings. If she thought she could explain an occurrence scientifically, she didn’t hesitate to speak up.

Kathy had mentioned once that she believed in the paranormal because she’d had several experiences over the course of her life that she was unable to explain by rational or scientific means.

“I thought we’d stay local today,” Kathy said as she popped a forkful of french toast into her mouth. “San Francisco area. The Arts Institute. It was supposedly built over a cemetery in the 1900’s.”

“Charming,” Sadara muttered sarcastically. “Somehow, and I know many humans would agree with me, I doubt that building something over a cemetery would make it more haunted than other locations. My understanding was the general belief is that most hauntings occur near or at the exact location the death or traumatic event occurred. At the very least, wherever the spirit is drawn to or had some connection to in life. I rather doubt it would be a cemetery.”

The Irish woman shrugged. “It’s a place we haven’t hit yet; and since we have finals to be studying for, I figured it wouldn’t be a good idea to go too far and be out all day. It’ll just be a short trip this month.”

“Took Admiral Pike’s advice then?”

“He’s right, of course. Finals are important, but I’m not completely canning my weekend fun either. And I’ve made all the arrangements with the institute so we can get it for an hour before it opens. I would have preferred going through there at night, but as I said, I didn’t want it to be the usual long project with finals coming up.”

Finishing their breakfast and putting their dishes in the sink, the two got up and grabbed their stuff, then headed out into the cool San Francisco morning.

W^^^W^^^W

“Let’s stop for coffee. I really neeeeeeeed coffeeeeeeeee…,” Kathy said with emphasis and longing. Kathleen Bradley and coffee were lifelong friends and were nearly inseparable as far as Sadara Lochlan could tell. Sadara had never acquired the taste; largely because she’d heard too many people over the years say they weren’t worth a shit until they’d had their coffee. Sadara resolved to be worth a shit without coffee.

“Oh don’t look at me like that! You have a healthy hot chocolate addiction.”

They walked across the street to the coffee shop a few doors down from the restaurant they’d had dinner in the night before.

“I can function without hot chocolate. Some of you coffee drinkers truly believe you’re worthless without coffee. It’s not a healthy mental state.”

Kathy snorted. “It wakes me up therefore it helps put me in a healthier mental state. Namely awake and alert. And of course you can function without hot chocolate. Vulcans can get drunk on chocolate.”

Sadara shook her head and chuckled, but followed her coffee addicted friend into the coffee shop. It was surprisingly empty for a Saturday morning. “So that’s where those apparitions come from…”

Kathy spared her Vulcan/Human friend a withering look and looked around the room a moment before approaching the counter to place her order. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a familiar face and gave Sadara’s arm a pat. 

“Looks like your man is a coffee drinker. Now what?”

“He is not my man!” Sadara hissed, emphasizing the need for Kathy to keep her voice down. Admiral Pike wasn’t sitting all that far away and despite herself, the pretty brunette had to look. Sure enough, there he was, out of uniform and dressed casually with a datapadd in his hand.

Kathy laughed heartily at her best friend’s discomfort. There was obviously something Sadara felt for the former starship captain otherwise she wouldn’t get so vehement about insisting there wasn’t. That was just basic human female psychology all teenage girls and young women learned early on.

Kathy grabbed her coffee and moved out of the way so Sadara could get on with grabbing her hot chocolate and they could move on to the day’s adventure.

“Hot chocolate,” Kathy chuckled again. “Unbelievable. You’re going to be this planet’s greatest lightweight when you’re finally old enough to drink.”

“Hardly. My Vulcan physiology doesn’t process alcohol in the same way as human physiology. I will drink you all under the table and I will be laughing when I do. Promise.”

“Crap, I forgot about that,” Kathy pouted.

The two cadets were so busy teasing each other they didn’t notice Admiral Pike approach the counter for round two of the morning’s coffee. Sadara’s drink materialized in front of her and she took the first cautious sip expecting it to be too hot.

“Long term goals, cadets?” He asked with amusement. Unintentionally, he’d picked up on bits and pieces of their conversation, but teasing them about what he’d heard was irresistible. 

“No, sir. Just teasing each other,” Sadara clarified immediately. If Kathy’s eyeballs rolled any further, they’d roll out of her head.

“Ah,” Pike nodded, certain that these two would definitely test each other in a drinking contest in a few years. Both were competitive; Kathy probably less than Sadara, but when push came to shove, who really knew?

Pike looked at Sadara with light blue eyes, silently pondering an idea that he’d had the night before. “How would you like to get an early shot at the Kobayashi Maru simulation? I want to see if you have any natural ability and if you’re as much of a go getter as I think you are.”

Sadara’s sapphire eyes were as large as saucers at the unexpected offer. “I most certainly would, Admiral. When?”

“Today if you think you’re up for it.”

Sadara glanced up at Kathy. They had plans and Sadara would feel guilty ditching her just to go play in a sim for an hour or two.

“Go on,” Kathy said. “That’s something you’d really want to do. And it was just a short trip. I’ll go by myself. Have fun.”

“Plans?” Pike asked.

“She’s into paranormal investigations. I’m into being the voice of reason.”

“Oh hush,” Kathy said as she picked up her coffee and departed.

“I need to go get back into uniform since we’re going today.” Pike said.

“I can wait here for you.”

He smiled slightly. “Come on. It’s just right around the corner.”

Sadara’s imagination wanted to go places her rational mind was screaming for her to avoid. It was highly unlikely he was trying to become involved with her, but she had that feeling that there was more to all this than seemed on the surface.


	4. The Kobayashi Maru

It occurred to Sadara Lochlan as she entered the bridge simulation deck at Starfleet Academy that some might brand her a "teacher's pet" or worse. As a sophomore, she was being afforded the opportunity to see and even experience the simulation slightly ahead of the majority of the other cadets. Typically, it was preferred that cadets be further along in command school before taking the center seat in the Kobayashi Maru scenario.

What she wasn't aware of was that it was a more common occurrence for younger cadets to try out the simulation than she realized; and that no one thought much of it. Other senior ranking staff with contact with Starfleet Academy cadets tended toward favorites. It was simply human nature. And oftentimes it had much to do with the potential seen in the cadet by a certain staff member. Admiral Pike was hardly the only high ranking officer testing out the abilities of younger cadets a bit ahead of schedule. Still, the fact of the matter was there were some out there that perceived favoritism in such actions and Sadara might be looked at with some derision by those individuals.

Admiral Pike had experienced similar concerns when he'd done similar things like this in the past. He wasn't deterred from his purpose though because he felt it beneficial for the particular cadet. For those with aspirations of starship or any other command, learning how to let go of the opinions of others was vital so best get in the mindset early.  
The thin admiral managed to wrangle up a few of his comrades for an impromptu run through the Kobayashi Maru simulation. Perhaps wrangle wasn't the precise term; a few of them were in a similar boat with injuries that relegated their careers to ground assignments and the simulation was about as close as it got to being out aboard a starship again. Trying to commandeer some cadets for this on a weekend before finals simply wasn't happening.

Sadara had decided it was probably best if she was in uniform as well so it didn't appear that they were just "playing" in the sim to kill time that Saturday.

As everyone took up their stations on the mock bridge, Sadara approached the captain's chair with as much authority and confidence as she could muster and lowered herself into it. Even though not everyone was looking directly at her it definitely felt as if all eyes were on her. She had to admit to feeling a tad nervous, which surprised her. She was used to being center stage on karaoke night and reveling in the attention so the attention wasn't what made her nervous. It was that this time, she was going to be tested on her ability to make good judgment calls on short notice. Karaoke night didn't.

The simulator was a nearly identical replica of an actual starship. She could understand how human senses were easily tricked into processing it as real, especially as the sim got underway and everything started getting shaken up. But even though she knew firmly that no actual lives were on the line, she could feel the weight of the responsibility of sitting in this chair resting on her slim shoulders. It dawned on her why Admiral Pike brought her here. The ones so gung ho for command were usually the ones with the most to learn about it. They needed the fear of whatever they believed in put into them.

Christopher Pike was evidently a wise man.

Pike had explained to her on the way to the sim that he didn't expect her to be fully educated on starship procedures yet, but that he was mostly interested in observing her command instincts. Basically, she was just supposed to do the best she could.

Sadara listened intently as the distress call played out over the speakers. The message was garbled in places, but the pertinent details came through well enough. Her agile mind couldn't help but wonder how command decisions were impacted when messages like that were nearly inaudible.

She was aware of the moral and ethical dilemma she faced and why because of those factors the simulation had been dubbed the "no win" scenario. The bottom line was even if the Kobayashi Maru crew was rescued, the violation of the neutral zone treaty would bring its own repercussions. To some extent, it could be seen as a logic problem. Does the captain attempt to rescue a small number and risk war for substantially more people or stand by as the crew of the Kobayashi Maru perish, but preserve the peace?

After calling up the stats on the stranded vessel, Sadara pondered her options. Diplomacy with Klingons was said to yield few positive results, but still with the neutral zone off limits, a good faith effort at gaining permission to rescue the ship seemed logical. Sadara though couldn't shake the gut feeling that by asking permission she was also informing the Klingons the stranded ship was out there when they might otherwise not have known. And what if there wasn't time for a conversation with the Klingons over this? The Kobayashi Maru was in dire straits and out of transporter range.

"There's no time for that," she murmured as she ran through her options and came to a decision. "Have the sensors picked up any Klingon ships in range of the Kobayashi Maru?"

"Negative, captain, but that would be typical if the ships are cloaked. No guarantees."

The potential number of casualties paraded itself across Sadara's mind like soldiers on a parade field. This, she was realizing, was the burden of command. Every decision with potential consequences, risks weighed, and nightmarish consequences rife with guilt and sometimes regret. It was not for the timid.

She leaned back in the command chair with a heavy sigh. "Signal the Kobayashi Maru. We are unable to assist."

When the communications officer turned to look at the Vulcan/Human hybrid in stunned disbelief, Sadara leaned forward toward her. "I won't risk war with the Klingons over one ship."

"Yes, ma'am," the communications officer swiveled her chair back to her console to relay the message.

Inside, Sadara was dying of curiosity to know what was on the other side had she made the decision to enter the neutral zone, but that wasn't what the command game was all about. She felt like she'd made the best choice possible, but it had felt timid and overly cautious. And not like her. She didn't like it when life was turned into a big numbers game.

W^^^W^^^W

Sadara had been unusually quiet and pensive during the walk back to the coffee shop. Admiral Pike glanced at her a few times as they slowly made their way through campus and across the street.

 

"Penny for your thoughts," he said finally.

"I felt too timid and cautious at the end. As much as I don't appreciate weighing life as a numbers game, that was exactly how I made my decision. I couldn't ignore the potential consequences if the Klingons discovered our violation of the treaty. Perhaps not so dire as interstellar war, but certainly there could have been more lives put in jeopardy over that than the 400 lost on the Kobayashi Maru. I would have been risking the 400 in my own crew just for the possibility of rescuing that ship. 800 as opposed to 400. Insterstellar war as opposed to 400. Who am I to be making those sorts of decisions?"

Pike looked at her in some surprise. He hadn't anticipated such an insightful response from someone so young. Simultaneously he felt impressed and relieved. She'd felt the oppressive weight of command; at least gotten a taste of it and had respected it as opposed to going in guns blazing like he'd anticipated. The longtime Starfleet officer completely understood her mixed feelings about her decision. Some decisions ended up being the lesser of two evils, but there was still some heartache involved even though the decision made was believed to be the correct one.

"A starship captain, that's who," Pike said. That earned him a raised eyebrow as if she hadn't expected him to say that.

"Playing god?" She asked incredulously. "Because it sort of felt like that; like I was too small and inexperienced to be making judgment calls like that."

"Depends on how you look at it. Someone has to make those decisions. It's just goes with being part of the universe. I'm going to tell you something. Command is full of decisions like the one you just made. And it never gets easier. Sometimes you just can't fix everything or save everyone, but that won't necessarily mean you made the wrong decision. You were right to consider the big picture, but that sim is just a means to test a person's character. There is no right answer. That's why it's called the no win scenario. You have to decide if you can handle that burden and make those decisions."

He took a sip of the coffee he'd just ordered. "If you keep thinking about command the way you have today, you'll be one hell of a starship captain one day. You understood the responsibility and you respected the chair. That's what Starfleet is looking for. So are you hungry? Because I'm starving."

"I am actually."

"Come on. I know a little spot where we can grab something."

With a slight smile, Sadara let the admiral lead the way. Kathy was going to tease her so bad when she got back…


	5. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

It turned out that Admiral Pike was in the mood for Italian food, which suited Sadara just fine. Being half Vulcan, she eschewed meat and there were many options in Italian food she could order without it. Fettuccine Alfredo was a particular favorite of hers. The restaurant was a little mom and pop joint actually not far from campus; and the young brunette was surprised she and Kathy hadn’t discovered it earlier. 

They slid into the quiet and secluded corner booth and placed their drink orders. Admiral Pike apparently enjoyed beer on a regular basis or at the very least when he ate out. The Vulcan/Human hybrid stuck to her usual lemonade as well. At least they were consistent. The fact that she was too young to order alcohol though made her feel slightly self conscious; like she was a child and not a grown adult even though by human standards she was at this point.

“So tell me something,” Pike said as he brought the beer mug to his lips. “Are you attracted to me or am I imagining things?”

Sadara’s slanted, Vulcan eyebrows disappeared into her bangs; and his deep voice sent a shiver down her spine. She knew him to be blunt and perceptive, but she hadn’t been expecting that particular question. Light blue eyes locked with dark blue ones. He was very serious and she knew that he wouldn’t appreciate any hedging on her part. It was best for her to be honest and direct; not an easy task given the personal nature of the question. What she wasn’t sure of was what he intended to do with the information once he had it; but then she reminded herself he couldn’t decide anything without complete information. Human flirtations and courtship rituals were far less direct than Vulcan ones and miscommunications happened frequently, resulting in much heartache and disappointment.

The young woman glanced down into her lemonade for a moment, grateful that the dim lighting of the restaurant obscured the unVulcan like blush darkening her cheeks and the delicate points of her ears.

“You’re not imagining things,” she said after a long moment. “I don’t expect anything to come of it.” 

It was what she thought was expected of her to say, not necessarily what she hoped would happen. The truth was, that no matter how inappropriate it might look to others, she devoutly wished something would come of it; preferably a romantic relationship. But she hardly expected a man such as Christopher Pike to want anything more personal to do with her. She was a young cadet, barely a woman. He was a seasoned veteran of Starfleet; a handsome one at that who probably could have his choice of much more desirable and accomplished women.

“It wouldn’t be against regulations since I’m not directly in your chain of command, but it would be best if we kept it as much off the radar as possible. You know how the rumor mill is.”

Pike dug into the food that was just set in front of them and glanced up at Sadara. She seemed rather stunned and perplexed by what he’d just said.

She shook her head in surprise. “I was sure you’d never go for it… I mean, I’m so young and have nothing to offer you really. I thought you’d just see it as a meaningless infatuation and shrug it off as a passing thing.”

“Is it?”

“I don’t think so,” Sadara thought about that a moment. “I’ve never really felt this way before though.”

“I liked what I saw today. You handled the Kobayashi Maru scenario with maturity. Age is just a number.” 

The thin admiral popped another forkful of spaghetti into his mouth and silently contemplated the evolution of the last 24 hours. A chance meeting on campus the evening before had transformed their relationship from one of occasional conversation about academy happenings and starship adventures to something far more intimate.

“At least I made a positive impression,” Sadara chuckled, not really knowing what else to say. As comfortable as Chris Pike made others feel around him, this still qualified as one of the most awkward conversations she’d had in her life.

Pike smiled, slightly amused at her sudden shyness, but it had been a rather personal conversation so he couldn’t really blame her. The question now was what to do with the rest of the evening.

W^^^W^^^W

 

Sadara’s heart pounded against her ribcage in anticipation, and if she was honest with herself, nervousness as they arrived back at Pike’s apartment. The place was much like him; comfortable, but simple, to the point. Everything was in its place; a definite reflection of a man who’d spent his entire adult life in the service operating with the bare essentials out of small quarters. A life that she was preparing to enter into herself soon.

Pike noticed her nervousness as he closed the door behind them. He caressed her shoulder comfortingly before moving across the room to fire up the fireplace. It had gotten slightly chilly outside since nightfall, but mostly he wanted the place cozy and comfortable for his company. He disappeared into the bedroom for a few minutes to change out of his uniform into something more comfortable. Sitting around home in his uniform was something that never happened. As soon as he got home, he wanted out of it.

Returning to the living room, the slightly graying, but still handsome man found Sadara relaxing on the couch, gazing into the fire. Joining her on the couch, he noticed lust clouding her dark blue eyes and he briefly wondered what it was about him that had elicited such desire in her. Not that he was complaining.

Pike was a starship captain at heart still and starship captains were nothing if not assertive and confident. Leaning toward her his lips found hers in a passionate kiss and strong hands found her waist. She could still slightly taste the beer on his tongue and briefly wondered why he drank the awful stuff. Sadara’s own hands caressed his face, savoring the rough feeling of the five o clock shadow he now had going on. As the kiss deepened, she felt his cool hands slide under her uniform jacket to tug at the lighter shirt underneath. Finally, his long fingers found bare skin and he could feel her heart pound against her ribcage. It was a strange sensation for Pike, having been used to human women whose heart was in the chest area. 

Chuckling, Sadara pushed him to sit back and removed the offending garments, letting them drop to the floor beside the couch. He took a moment to admire her body before raining gentle nips and kisses on her neck and shoulders. She gasped audibly and tilted her head to expose more of her neck, her grip on his shoulders tightening. Pike chuckled softly at his discovery and continued the gentle assault as he palmed the hem of her skirt up to her waist. 

He was very ready to be inside her, but he suspected his new lover had never been with anyone before. Just as he was about to take her hand and put it where he wanted it, she grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it over his head.

“You were getting impatient,” she murmured as she ran her fingers through the hair on his chest, then continued the journey downward to his pants and unfastened them. They kissed again. 

“I forgot… Vulcans are touch telepaths,” he chuckled deeply. It was his turn to gasp as her hand wrapped itself around his erection, stroking it firmly. She was fascinated by how silky the skin felt there and she explored him thoroughly and gently. Growling he tugged his pants off the rest of the way and positioned himself between her legs. His fingers explored her for a moment, making sure she was ready for him. 

Realizing his intent, Sadara stiffened slightly, bracing herself. Pain was something she’d often heard associated with the first experience and she wasn’t sure how bad it would be. Pike kissed her tenderly; almost apologetically for any pain he was about to cause her.

The initial thrust was quick, but he remained still for a few moments, letting her get used to him before picking up a slow, gentle rhythm. Pike groaned in ecstasy at the exquisite, silken tightness around him. His nose was buried in her long, chocolate locks; and her thick hair smelled like cherry blossoms. For Sadara, the initial sensation was painful, but not as bad as she’d anticipated. Curious, she began experimenting and she squeezed herself around him, anxious to discover if the sensation was something he enjoyed. She was rewarded by a surprised, but appreciative growl and his next thrust was deep and hard in response.

“Sadara…,” he growled. “What you’re doing to me…”

His arms encircled her and crushed her to him tightly as his thrusts quickened, her soft moans and cries spurring him on. Pike knew he was getting close, but he felt powerless to hold back. Determined to bring his new lover to climax before him, he forced himself to slow his pace. He almost groaned in frustration and impatience, but then Sadara arched under him in a shuddering climax of her own. The involuntary clenching of her inner walls around him snapped the remaining vestiges of his self control and his thrusts quickened wildly. It seemed like an eternity to him, but after a moment he flooded her with his seed and joined her in bliss with a guttural cry. He dipped his head to hers and sought her lips in a gentle kiss, then relaxed against her, shaking violently from the evening’s exertions.

They relaxed in each other’s arms for a while, simply enjoying the warmth of each other and the fire in the fireplace before beginning again.

W^^^W^^^W

Sadara awoke the next morning to the sound of a communicator chirping from its bed of clothes piled on the floor next to the couch. The shrill sound was more irritating to Sadara’s Vulcan ears so she stirred first. As she came fully awake, she realized with some chagrin that it was likely a worried Kathy attempting to locate her. Sadara had stayed out all night without letting her best friend of the last year and a half know where she was. And Sadara was never out all night so the cheerful redhead had a logical reason to be concerned. In fact, Sadara was surprised this was the first time she’d heard her communicator; she would have assumed Kathy would have blown it up with messages by now.

Sadara pondered how best to reach her communicator without disturbing her still peacefully sleeping lover. She was on her right side, facing Pike and her back was to the pile of clothes so she’d have to reach behind her. Rolling to her back slightly, she dropped her left hand to floor, searching through their clothes in an effort to quickly find her communicator. Fishing it out of her jacket pocket, she exhaled slightly in frustration, having just missed the call. She flipped it open anyway and signaled Kathy that she was alive and would be back to the room after a while, then dropped the device back in the clothes pile.

Relieved that she’d put her friend’s worry to rest, she rolled back toward Christopher Pike with a huge grin on her face. She gasped slightly, startled to find him gazing at her with an amused smirk on his face. She’d been so preoccupied with calming Kathy down that she hadn’t sensed him wake up.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Just since you started playing with your communicator.” Pike said.

“I apologize; I didn’t mean to wake you up. I know it’s Sunday. I failed to let Kathy know where I was last night so I had to let her know not to file a missing person’s report,” the Vulcan/Human hybrid joked. “She’d seriously worry because I never stay out all night like this.”

Pike’s chuckle was self deprecating in a way. “And I’m the one who was just suggesting the other night that you two study for finals. Does that mean I’m contributing to the delinquency of a Starfleet Cadet?”

“I’m pretty sure I can handle it,” Sadara said as she leaned over to give him a long, passionate kiss and ran her fingers through the thick hair on his chest.

“If you’re trying to get me started again, you’d better put on a pot of coffee first,” Pike’s light blue eyes were alight with mischief and humor and he laughed out loud as Sadara grabbed one of the couch pillows and shoved in his face, laughing as well.

“You sound like Kathy. She even pointed you out in the coffee shop yesterday morning after I teased her about her own coffee addiction. I’m curious… how does that work on a starship when an emergency situation breaks? ‘Sorry, you’re shit out of luck. I can’t function until I’ve had my first pot of coffee.’”

That made the admiral laugh some more and Sadara shook her head, amazed at the unexpected turn the conversation had taken.

“I’m serious! If only the Klingons and the Romulans knew how many humans I’ve heard say that, they’d wait to start their troublemaking at 0700 hours when dayshift is just manning their posts.”

Pike propped himself up on the burgundy hued couch pillows and simply gazed at Sadara with a small smile on his thin lips. He knew she was being humorous as well, but felt the need to reassure her. “I promise an emergency situation on board a starship will wake everyone up, coffee or not.”

Sadara rose from the couch and slipped back into her underwear and the black undershirt that was worn under the black uniform jacket and padded off into the kitchen to get some coffee going. She’d done it often enough for Kathy back in their room. It had just been her observation of avid coffee drinkers over the years to just beat them to the coffee pot and have it made when they woke up or it would take an hour to get them moving.

Emerging from the bathroom after a few minutes, the handsome admiral’s arms encircled the young brunette’s waist and he buried his nose in the soft, dark curls. “Careful, I could get used to this,” he chuckled softly.

“Hmmm… maybe I want you to?” She teased, before turning serious again. “My mother is on New Vulcan for an undetermined length of time. It may be a permanent move for her as she left me their house. She prefers living on Earth, but as you know, my father was killed in action when I was young so given the Vulcans’ situation, she felt she was needed there. She encouraged me to continue pursuing a Starfleet career even though I expressed some concern that perhaps my duty was also on New Vulcan. If you’re interested in getting away for a weekend after finals week, we can disappear to Santa Fe, New Mexico.”

Realizing the coffee was done, Pike located a coffee mug and filled it up, savoring the much loved aroma. 

Sadara nodded in agreement. “Though I never acquired the taste for coffee, I do rather like the way it smells as well.”

Pike smiled. “The trip to Santa Fe sounds incredible. I’ve never been down to New Mexico, but since classes let out after finals are completed, why don’t I take leave and we’ll spend more time down there than just a weekend?”

“Makes sense. We will need to brainstorm some things we want to do then. New Mexican food is amazing. You can get practically anything with green or red chile in it. If I wasn’t trying to get out into space, I’d probably settle down there for good. There’s something for everyone really. If you’re into outdoorsy activities, there are all kinds of fishing holes, boating, camping, and all that. I’d like to go on a paleontology dig at some point. And the nighttime sky is unparalleled.”

Sipping on his coffee, Pike’s smile widened as he listened to her rather passionate description of New Mexico. He was certain she’d continue to surprise him. He wasn’t sure when he’d ever get used to so much emotion from a being with such delicately pointed ears. He wasn’t certain if the age difference would prove to be too much for them long term, but for the moment he was glad to be involved with her. It had been refreshing and comforting to not have been alone last night.


	6. In Love

“The lost is found,” Kathleen Bradley quipped as she looked up from her studies to the sound of the door creaking open, then whistled sarcastically as she took in her friend’s attire. “And still in your uniform no less. You didn’t take a change of clothes with you?”

Sadara quickly shut the door behind her and gave her nosy, best friend the stink eye. “I hadn’t anticipated spending the night over at his place.” 

She made her way to her side of the room and stripped out of her black cadet’s uniform and put on a powder blue tank top and white shorts. She tossed her uniform into the basket for dry cleaning and checked her closet to make sure she had a fresh one for tomorrow.

“So how was he?” Kathy sat at her desk, waiting none too patiently for the details she anticipated coming her way.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…,” Sadara mumbled, though she was certain her cheeks and the points of her ears had turned an incriminating shade of green.

“Bullshit! How was he? Don’t make me start a pillow fight with you, Sadara! You know I will.” To demonstrate her point, the feisty redhead jumped up from her desk and grabbed one of the fluffy, purple pillows off her own bed and made ready to toss it at the sapphire eyed brunette if she didn’t start talking.

“How would I know?” Sadara said, anxious to find a way out of answering the question. Yes, this was her best friend and she knew many humans discussed such sordid details of their personal and sex lives with their best friends, but Sadara had a difficult time doing so. That inhibition was compounded by the fact that she had promised Pike she would keep their relationship to herself. Still, there was no denying that, as her roommate, Kathy would notice that something was going on. No logic in denying it. 

“Yes, he and I have decided to have a relationship and yes, we had sex last night. Happy now?”  
“Hardly,” Kathy asserted bluntly. “I wanted details.”

“Gentle, considerate…,” Sadara smiled and her eyes took on a faraway look; obviously she was remembering some special moments from the previous night.

“You’re impossible…,” Kathy said, finally giving up for a while. “Are we still on for karaoke tonight? I trust you’re not totally dumping our usual activities for him?”

Sadara chuckled, knowing Kathy was just giving her a hard time. “Yes, we’re still on for karaoke. You know I wouldn’t miss that. And no, I have no plans to alter our usual nights out.”

“Good,” Kathy said, turning back to her homework. “Oh and by the way, your birthday present is on the table. I wanted to give it to you last night on your actual birthday, but for some strange reason, you were out all night. Happy fucking birthday, huh?”

W^^^W^^^W

The following Saturday night, Sadara found herself back at Admiral Pike’s apartment around 1900 hours. She’d just finished her second and mercifully, final round of final exams earlier that day and was looking forward to a pleasant evening out. Kathy was back in their room packing some of her casual clothes and other essentials. She had decided to go stay with her parents in Ireland during spring break. The final six weeks before the academy broke for the summer would be filled with field exercises, simulations, and other practical applications of the knowledge they’d accumulated over the year.

The weather had warmed up quite a bit over the last few weeks; and Sadara had chosen a mint colored sundress paired with a light, cream colored cardigan. Her chocolate brown curls were up in a ponytail and her makeup was light and natural. Pike was also dressed casually, his light blue shirt accentuating his equally light blue eyes.

The former starship captain pulled her close for a deep, longing kiss that told Sadara how much he’d been looking forward to this night. It had been several days since they’d seen each other given it had been finals week. Pike had left her alone so she could study, though he’d missed his new love terribly. 

Wrapping her arms around him, Sadara’s head nearly swam with dizziness at the euphoria she felt. She never could have imagined how intoxicating being in love could be, but she couldn’t deny that was what she felt. He was kind, considerate, wise, charismatic, and just in general, incredible to her.

After a long moment they came up for air and Sadara noticed the dining room table was set up nice and the lights were dimmed. In the living room, the fireplace was fired up once again, casting flickering shadows on the walls.

“So why didn’t you tell me last Saturday was your birthday?” He asked curiously. He wasn’t angry or even slightly annoyed. Just curious as to why she hadn’t mentioned it.

Sadara glanced up at him, surprised to find out that he knew. “I guess with all the activity that day, I just didn’t think about it. And it didn’t feel right to mention it. It’s like you’re afraid people will think they expect you to do something for them. Did chatty Kathy tell you that?”

“No, actually your cadet file did. Kathy was the one who told me what you liked,” he said as he lifted a medium sized package from the coffee table and handed it to her.

Surprised, she took it. The box was slightly heavy and gently she started peeling the silver wrapping paper off. She set the box back down on the coffee table and lifted the top flap of the box, reaching in to pull free a carefully packaged, but beautiful “snowglobe” type music box. Happily, Sadara wound it up to see what tune it played as she noted the scene and details.

“It’s beautiful…,” she breathed.

“Kathy said you loved horses and music boxes. I was lucky enough to find two for one,” he chuckled.

“And she would be right. I do love horses and music boxes. A lot. Someday I hope to own a few horses, but that won’t come until after I retire from Starfleet. It’s beautiful. Thank you,” she said sincerely as she leaned over to give him another deep kiss. 

“You’re welcome. Now, are you hungry?”

W^^^W^^^W

“Oh my god, what did you do?!” Kathy exclaimed as Sadara bounced through the door with a huge grin on her face and a few bags in her hand. They had just returned from spring break the day before and Sadara had been out most of that Sunday morning. The night before they had regaled each other with tales from their week long break away from Starfleet Academy. Kathy had spent a mostly quiet week simply resting and visiting with her family in Ireland. Sadara had had a more energetic outing in New Mexico with Pike. They’d gone shopping, horseback riding, boating, and a few other things. They’d even spent a few quiet nights just sitting by the fireplace.

“I just had my hair cut. Is that alright?” Sadara laughed as she ran her hair through her much shorter chocolate locks. Up until today, she really had no idea how relaxing it was to have someone else play with her hair. Vulcan females often had very long hair that reached their rear ends and up until that morning, Sadara’s hair had been nearly as long. Now they had been shorn to a medium length, graduated bob that had a youthful, but more mature vibe than the super long loose curls from before. The tall redhead suspected the new relationship with the much older Chris Pike had something to do with the sudden desire to update her looks.

“It is stunning on you,” the redhead admitted, still unable to believe Sadara had made such a drastic change with her much treasured dark brown locks.

“Think Chris will like it?”

“Wow girl, you’ve got it bad,” Kathy laughed.

“Really, you think so?”

“Oh yeah. When you start changing your hair for a guy, that fits the definition of got it bad. So what is in the bags?” Kathy pointed to the haul that Sadara had dropped onto her bed.

“Clothes. A new dress for me. And I scored you a new pair of earrings,” Sadara said, reaching into the bag for the small item and tossing it to her friend and roommate.

“Thank you much. You know me so well.” 

Kathy was a costume jewelry junkie, especially on nights when she went out. And on karaoke night, she made sure she sported maximum bling. Sadara though, went easy on the jewelry, but she loved little casual sundresses like the very springtime yellow one she’d just pulled out of the same shopping bag. She decided to change into it. New clothes, her hair freshly done… in the course of two weeks, Sadara Lochlan felt like a new woman.

W^^^W^^^W

For the first time since Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise had been found bruised and bleeding in small town bar three years ago, he finally had the opportunity to catch his mentor and father figure downing beers and shots in the local dive as opposed to the reverse. He dropped himself onto the bar stool next to the admiral and remained silent as Pike turned his head to look over at him.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow,” Pike said, with a small smile. He took a sip of his beer.

Kirk ordered a shot and smiled back. “We finished the mission a little ahead of schedule. You look like a man with a problem though.”

Pike sat up straight and looked around quickly. He didn’t see anyone else he recognized in the fairly crowded establishment. For a moment, he debated whether or not he should even discuss his dilemma with the impossibly young captain, but impulsive though he was, Kirk could be trusted with personal confidences. 

“This stays between you, me, and the shot glasses. I’ve been seeing someone and… I’m in love with her.”

Kirk’s brow furrowed in confusion. “That’s great. I’m not seeing why it’s driving you to drink though.”

“I’m getting to that part,” Pike chuckled and shook his head with amusement. “She’s a cadet; second year and much younger than I am. I am close to retirement while she is just getting started. I’m ready to settle down finally and yet I’m with someone who has lofty career goals for herself. I’m not certain this will last and that really bothers me because I’d like it to.”

Kirk’s bright blue eyes widened in giddy disbelief and an enormous grin threatened to split his face in half. “Holy shit, Admiral, you cradle robber!” 

Kirk’s voice was low, but there was no mistaking the teasing overtones. Almost immediately though, the young starship captain schooled his expression into something more serious. As delightful as it was to know that his mentor was only human as well with the same desires and troubles as everyone else, he also knew this really was no laughing matter. Pike took things seriously and if he was head over heels for this girl, then he deserved to have his feelings taken just as seriously.

Kirk downed his shot and pondered the Admiral’s situation for a moment. “Well, if she feels the same she might be willing to at least compromise. You won’t know unless you talk to her about it.”

“You’re right,” Pike smiled. “I should. Usually they say it’s women who move too fast in relationships, but I certainly feel like I’m moving at warp speed right now. It’s not just that though. I’m no spring chicken anymore and I can’t keep up with you young people anymore with this cane. She deserves someone who can.”

Kirk’s eyes shone with compassion, but he was not used to hearing his mentor speak so critically about himself or be so pessimistic about a situation. It bothered him.

“She deserves someone who cares about her the way you do. And she deserves for you to give this relationship a chance. If she loves you the way you do her, she won’t even look at other guys. Even me,” Kirk said with a teasing smirk, hoping to lighten the mood a little. “Now why don’t you finish that beer and go find her or else I’ll have to go do it for you.”


	7. Trial Runs

Ultimately, Pike decided to man up and not letting his worries that Sadara might run off with a younger man bother him. She hadn’t given him any actual reason to be paranoid about it. It was simply his age and his need of a cane that trampled on his own ego. He’d always been a fairly good looking guy and for some women even, a little more age seemed to make some men even more desirable. Pike though, wasn’t quite certain he fit the latter category. Still though, he really wanted to know if Sadara was as serious about him as he was about her.

“So you’re one field exercise away from being finished for another year,” he said as they slid into a booth at the Chinese restaurant Sadara had picked. “Any plans for the summer?”

They gave their drink orders to the server who’d just arrived at their table and Sadara thought about that with a raised eyebrow. “Well I can’t stay in the dorm over the summer so I thought I might go stay in Santa Fe like we did over spring break. Hopefully that won’t affect our being able to see each other. It’s just a transporter beam away.”

Pike smiled slightly. His stomach was growling at this point. He’d had a light lunch much earlier in the day and the inviting aromas wafting about the restaurant were reiterating those facts. Still, despite the fact that he should be looking at the menu and getting that activity out of the way so they could talk while they waited for their food, Pike was fixated on the woman he was in love with. And their future.

“You could stay with me. I’d really like that,” he said sincerely.

The server came by again and Sadara asked for a few more minutes, and then turned her gaze back to the accomplished Starfleet admiral with dark blue eyes large as saucers. They’d been together about six weeks, but Sadara’s knowledge of human courtship rituals suggested moving in together at this stage might be a bit early. Still, the timing of the Academy letting out for the summer likely influenced his offer. Despite the convenience of the transporter, simply having her with him in his apartment would still have benefits. The living together would also be a test of their compatibility long term in the same living situation which might be what he was hoping to test. Logically it was better to learn that sooner rather than later.

“Alright,” Sadara smiled, taking his hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. The touch telepathy she’d inherited from her Vulcan genes conveyed the depth of his feelings and she returned the sentiment. “I’d like that too.”

W^^^W^^^W

Kirk elbowed Spock at the corner table diagonally across the room from Pike and Sadara and jerked his head toward them. Spock cocked at irritated eyebrow at Kirk, but turned and looked. Now both eyebrows had reached his immaculately cut raven black bangs. Fate had finally conspired to reveal the identity of their friend’s lover; knowledge Kirk had been hoping to learn for the last month.

“He had mentioned he was seeing a cadet, but failed to mention who. As a Vulcan, I did not pry further,” Spock still found himself unable to tear his shocked stare from the admiral’s table. “However, I had not suspected it would be Lochlan.”

“Why?” Kirk asked. He downed the last of his beer and flagged down their server for another one. “Because she has pointed ears? You have pointed ears and he seems to like you well enough. The man has good taste though. She’s hot.”

Across the room, Sadara turned her attention away from Pike with a slight frown. Out of the corner of her eye she’d picked up on what seemed like someone watching them and her sapphire eyes met Spock’s warm brown ones. She raised an eyebrow at him as if to ask what was so interesting and Spock tore his gaze away just as Admiral Pike craned his head to find out who his girlfriend was looking at.

“Good job,” Kirk muttered sarcastically as he caught Admiral Pike flagging them over. “Now I know why you’re not a spy.”

They rose and joined the Admiral at their table.

“Admiral Pike,” Kirk said. “I apologize. We didn’t mean to disturb your evening.”

“Don’t worry about it, son. We figured we’d be seen by someone we knew eventually. Sadara, this is Captain James Kirk and his first officer, Commander Spock. Gentlemen, my girlfriend, Sadara Lochlan.”

Sadara smiled warmly and extended her hand to Kirk in the customary greeting among humans and then offered Spock the Vulcan salute. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both. Chris has told me a lot about you.”

“Is that good or bad?” Kirk mumbled, then grinned when Sadara chuckled. He could see what his mentor saw in her.

“Perhaps I’ll let you wonder about that?” She smirked.

Chris smiled affectionately at Sadara and then looked up at two men standing at their table. “So now that your curiosity has been satisfied, can we eat now without being spied on?”

“Of course, sir,” Kirk said quickly and hightailed it back to their own table with Spock hot on his heels.

W^^^W^^^W

“I’m fairly certain this wasn’t part of the mission parameters!” Sadara Lochlan rushed to the front of the shuttle, doing her level best to maintain a low center of gravity and thus, her balance as she walked. Kathy Bradley, an engineering student was right on her heels.  
“It isn’t!” The shuttle pilot called back to her as the shuttle continued to descend at an increasing pace toward Earth’s moon. Sadara noticed he’d just sent the distress call. “For some reason, the shuttle lost power shortly after escaping Earth’s orbit. We’re being caught in the moon’s gravity now. We need thrusters back in a hurry or we likely won’t survive the crash landing! I must try to land it away from Tycos City so completely abandoning the shuttle isn’t an option.”

The pilot, a lieutenant, had his hands full trying to keep control of the shuttle so Sadara turned to her best friend. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Kathy nodded and moved to the back of the shuttle, ripping open panels, hurriedly searching for the problem.

Sadara exhaled in frustration. Her heart was pounding in her own ribcage at the unexpected emergency, but she willed calm. She did prefer her human half, but sometimes when humans were under extreme pressure, particularly with limited time, they just didn’t consider all viable alternatives. This lieutenant was still young and had limited experience. He was about to get more. He was the ranking officer, but he could pilot a shuttle better than she could. She was going to have to drive this train as the other cadets on board were barely capable of more than simply breathing right now.

“The moon has defensive capabilities, lieutenant,” she reminded him and toggled a switch on the shuttle’s control panel. She wasn’t about to do this the hard way when it could be over with everyone safe in less than a minute; and her next date with Pike wasn’t about to be at her funeral. “Tycos City, this is shuttlecraft one. Do you read?”

An authoritative male voice came over the comm system almost immediately to which Sadara breathed a sigh of relief. “We read you, shuttlecraft one.”

“Our shuttlecraft has lost all power and we are caught in the moon’s gravity on a trajectory for Tycos City. We require emergency beam out of all shuttle occupants and then this shuttlecraft to be targeted and destroyed immediately.”

“Acknowledged. “Stand by for emergency beam out.”

Sadara felt the grip of the transporter beam and gave thanks to whatever deities might be watching over them that there was nothing lost in translation over subspace.

Materializing in one of the major transporter rooms of Tycos City, Sadara left the shaken lieutenant to try and calm the other cadets while she went in search of the Starfleet presence somewhere in the city.

W^^^W^^^W

The first thing Admiral Pike overheard as he made his way to back to his office after his lunch break was that the shuttlecraft en route to a training exercise on Mars had been destroyed over Tycos City on the moon. His heart lurched in fear. Sadara had been on that shuttle and the admiral sincerely hoped that there was more to the story than the tidbit he’d just heard. Drawing on the calm in a crisis bearing he’d developed after years in the captain’s chair, Pike interrupted the commanders who had been discussing the situation.

“Oh, the cadets are all fine, admiral,” one of the commanders reassured him. “The cause hasn’t been identified yet, but the shuttlecraft lost power leaving Earth’s orbit. Everyone was safely beamed to Tycos City and the shuttle destroyed before it could crash. The cadets are scheduled to be returned to Earth shortly.”

Admiral Pike breathed a sigh of relief. “Remind me to thank the pilot when they return.”

The two commanders looked at each other with small smiles. “Actually, you’ll be thanking one of the cadets this time. She handled it like a pro. Lochlan, I believe, sir.”

Pike smiled and shook his head in amazement. “Thank you, commanders.”

Entering his office, Pike dropped himself in a heap in his chair. Like a young Jim Kirk, Sadara had apparently stepped up to the plate in a crisis and got the job done. Pike wasn’t sure if that was a scary thing or not.

W^^^W^^^W

Admiral Pike arrived home at about 1730 hours that evening to find his apartment immaculately clean and Sadara perched on the couch, immersed in the latest psychology journal. Apparently such heavy reading material constituted as “fun” in Sadara’s eyes and the good admiral occasionally teased her about it. Learning down, he gave her a quick kiss hello before disappearing into the bedroom to put something more comfortable on. They had compromised some on the temperature in the apartment as Sadara preferred the place to be warmer rather than colder thanks to her Vulcan physiology. She hopped up from the couch to turn the heater down. A shirtless Pike emerged from the recesses of the bedroom in a pair of jeans. He’d throw a shirt on later once the place no longer felt like a raging inferno.

“Sorry. I wasn’t sure when you’d be home tonight. Are you hungry?”

“I am, but I can take care of that tonight. It’s not your responsibility to cook every night.”

“Perhaps not, but I am out of school for the time being; and honestly, I rather enjoy doing it for you.” Sadara frowned, not certain what had brought this on. He’d appeared to have been enjoying her efforts for the last several weeks up until tonight.

Pike nodded. “I realize that, but I’m getting used to it and you’ll have to move back into the dorms here in a few weeks. Besides, it looks like you were busy cleaning today. You’ve really spoiled me by taking care of the apartment chores.”

“It’s not like the place was a pigsty. Really it was just routine maintenance and tidying up. I promise I didn’t break a sweat.” She paused for a moment, not certain how to broach the subject of moving back into the dorms.

“About moving out… you have the right to ask me to leave at any time, but is that what you want me to do?” Her voice was soft and quiet. She was fairly certain it wasn’t what he wanted at all, but felt he had no choice.

“Look,” she continued. “I completely understand your position, Chris, but I’m an adult. If we’re looking to continue this relationship, than we may have to face any criticism that comes our way. It’s not against regs for us to be together so the criticism is the worst we face. You’ve mentioned wanting to settle down. I would like to settle down with you if and when we get to that point, but I truly believe we have to stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks if they find out. We can’t settle down the way we deserve if we’re busy trying to evade scrutiny.”

He sank down onto the couch next to her with a heavy sigh and wrapped a strong arm around her, caressing her shoulder. “You’re right. I just don’t want to hear those things said about you. You know what they’re going to say right?”

“That I’m using you to advance my career?” She confirmed, curling up against him. She could feel his warm breath on her hair as he rested his chin on her head. “That I can’t make it on my own in Starfleet so I have to have one of the bigwigs running interference for me? It wouldn’t be the first time others have said untrue things about me, Chris. I’m sure they’ll say things about you too; that you’re just with me for the sex and when you get tired of it you’ll dump me. You and I both know that stuff isn’t true. I’m a touch telepath. I know what’s in your heart; you know what’s in mine. Do the gossip mongers really matter?”

Pike was silent for a few long moments. The truth was he didn’t want her to move out. He was in love and he wanted her with him every minute of every day in that way that being in love made one want. His nearly overwhelming urge was to protect her from anything that might harm her, even if it was just the hyperactive, warp speed ahead gossip mill that was a constant presence in Starfleet. It was irrational, he knew. He couldn’t protect from everything, especially with a life in Starfleet; and the gossip mill was generally harmless.

“You’re right, sweetheart,” He whispered into her neatly straightened brown hair. “I’m being overprotective. So does that mean you want to stay here with me?”

“Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to fight for the last few minutes,” she teased. Tilting her head back, she reached up and pulled his lips down to hers in a deep, passionate kiss.  
Pike moaned against her soft, full lips and turned his body to face her more fully. His arousal flared up almost as suddenly as his happiness at the decision that his love would remain in his apartment with him. He coaxed her to her back against the couch pillows, his arm still around her shoulders and gazed happily into her big, blue eyes. It was a shame she wasn’t ticklish, but he was feeling rather mischievous all of a sudden.

“Aren’t we supposed to have dinner before dessert?” He teased.


	8. Wanderlust

“Admiral Marcus is giving me temporary command of the USS Tecumseh to oversee its shakedown cruise. I’ll be gone for a week,” Pike said as he got up from his desk and retreated to the bedroom to pull out a large, black duffle bag. He started loading some changes of uniforms and casual clothes in it right along with some other necessities. He’d just gotten through checking his messages and Admiral Marcus had apparently made that decision shortly after Pike had called it quits for the day. Apparently, the captain originally selected to supervise the shakedown cruise had fallen ill and was mandated to bed rest after being seen by his physician. Pike had the pertinent experience and shakedown cruises were almost always quiet and uneventful so Admiral Marcus hadn’t batted an eyelash about sending Pike back out into space for a short time even with the limp.

His girlfriend of the last six months, Sadara also rose from her perch on the couch. She had just finished washing the dishes after supper and had sat down to catch up on some reading for one of her psychology courses while he tended to some things on the computer.

“Leaving tomorrow morning, it looks like,” Sadara teased as she wrapped her arms around her lover’s slim waist and peered around his shoulder at his packing.

“Logical deduction,” he teased back. “What gave you the first clue?”

She gently pressed on his left arm and turned him to face her, returning her arms to his waist and pulling him close again. He smiled down at her, light blue eyes bright with humor. 

“A week apart,” the pretty brunette mock whined. “If anything is a no win scenario, I think that qualifies.”

That made the thin admiral laugh out loud. “You, my love, are going to be so busy with your studies, you are barely going to have time to notice I’m gone.”

“Yeah… no,” Sadara replied, absolute certainty in her voice, then she broke eye contact for a moment and started fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt. It was hard for to put her more sentimental feelings into words, but she also felt they still needed said sometimes even though her touch telepathy made words a moot point.  
“I am a woman in love,” she continued. “I miss you every moment of every day when we’re not together; even when I’m in class and I know that I only have to wait mere hours before seeing you again.”

Pike’s smile widened at that. He couldn’t believe how happy he was. He’d thoroughly loved being a starship captain, but that profession had made it nearly impossible to maintain the kind of closeness he was enjoying with Sadara. And as infused with love and happiness as he was now, he had to admit that the patient waiting for the right time and the right woman had been worth it.

“And just like that George Strait’s Carrying Your Love With Me starts playing in my head,” he grinned. He didn’t really expect her to recognize that song, but sometimes she surprised him.

Her left eyebrow lifted as an idea formed. “I haven’t heard that song in ages. You should put it on. We can dance to it.”

“You have never heard of George Strait,” he teased, calling her bluff. Pike was rather certain there was no way she’d even know who Strait was, much less be a fan of his music. Strait’s music was centuries old, but still qualified as some of Pike’s favorites.

That sounded like a challenge to Sadara so she started singing it with a huge cat that ate the canary grin as she wandered back into the kitchen for something to drink. She and Kathy practically monopolized karaoke night most weeks and she knew more about old Earth music than Pike thought she did apparently. Fortunately, the Vulcan/Human hybrid’s singing was cringe worthy, though that probably wouldn’t have stopped Sadara even if it was.

“Point taken,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender; and then located the actual song on the computer and played it.

“You mentioned dancing so get over here,” he motioned for her to join him.

Setting her glass down, she joined him and he pulled her into a close embrace as they began swaying to the music.

“You know, I’d really love to go skiing again. I really miss skiing,” he murmured as he gazed out the window over her shoulder. It frustrated him greatly that he was forced into so much inactivity due to his injury. It was still only autumn, but in another month or so, ski resorts the country over would open for another season.

“Didn’t your physical therapist say in another year or two, you’d be able to do those things again?” She asked, certain he’d said that a few months ago.

“He did. I’m… just impatient to get out there.”

“You don’t enjoy sitting around, I know,” Sadara nodded. Her heart hurt for him, knowing there was little she could do to help him with that particular struggle other than to just be there for him. She couldn’t just give him the thumbs up to try activities his physical therapist hadn’t signed off on. Still, she could only imagine what it was like to have her most loved activities curtailed because of an injury.

With a sigh, Pike decided to change the subject. This one would be no less serious, but it was less depressing than the one they were just discussing. He probably should have asked her things months ago when they were getting to know each other and assessing the compatibility factor, but earlier had somehow seemed… too early. Had Sadara been older, Pike might have already asked her, but he hadn’t wanted her to feel rushed when she still had the Academy to contend with. Still, he was 50 years old and he was starting to feel some urgency to decide some things about his future. She had a much longer lifespan so he was sure they could potentially work something out.

“Are you interested in having children at some point?”

“In the near or distant future?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. He was going to have to be more specific if he wanted accurate information to work with.

“The next few years if this works out,” he clarified softly. His voice held hope. He realized asking her to settle down at so young an age was asking a lot of her, especially as it related to a Starfleet career, but he couldn’t deny that was what he wanted.

“Well, I did say I was willing to settle down with you if things worked out between us.”

“You did, but children aren’t necessarily automatically included with that. Lots of couples settle down without having children.” He looked down at her, light blue eyes very serious.

“I’d love to have a couple of kids,” she smiled up at him radiantly. “Of course.”

“It could postpone your career goals for some time, you realize that,” he reminded her as he felt he should. He just hoped it didn’t sway her in the other direction.

She nodded, blue eyes still sparkling happily. “I understand. There is plenty I can do here on Earth as a counselor in that time. I can get some experience when I am finished with school.”

Pulling her into a tight hug, he left a gentle kiss on her forehead, then leaned down to capture her lips with his.

“I love you, Sadara.

“And I you, Chris.”

W^^^W^^^W

“So…,” Sadara smirked as she closed the door to Admiral Pike’s office behind her. “I have a surprise for you.”

Admiral Pike was surprised to see her. She didn’t often visit him when he was on duty. It was his lunch hour though and he’d had a busy morning so the interruption by his love was welcome. And her grin was positively cat that ate the canary like.

“I’m sorry. I don’t usually bother you at work, but I’m so excited about it I just couldn’t wait to tell you.”

“You’re not bothering me, but I am eager to hear about this surprise that has you practically jumping up and down for joy,” he chuckled.

She rounded his desk and perched herself on the corner. “You are going to love this! Angel Fire Resort just got its first snow of the season and I scored us a weekend in one of the suites just after Christmas. Now I know you won’t be able to ski, but I know how much you love the snow and rumor control has it that it’s breathtaking there this time of year. I thought maybe you’d like to get away for a few days and at least go be in the snow.”

The handsome Starfleet officer’s grin threatened to split his face as he rose from his chair with the help of his desk and pulled her close to him, giving her a tight squeeze. “You are right. I am going to love this. I don’t know what to say, but thank you. I’m excited; I can’t wait to go. You’ve just made my day. Hell, my whole year.”

“It pleases me that you’re thrilled, but I should let you be so you can work,” she gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you at home.”


	9. Written in the Snow

Kathleen Bradley arrived back at her room and sat down to check her messages on her computer after quickly changing out of her cadet’s uniform and into more comfortable clothing. Curiously she found one from Admiral Pike that she couldn’t open fast enough. She gasped and clapped her hands in delight as she read the request. What she wasn’t sure of was how she was going to get the requested information without Sadara suspecting. Kathy would need a genuine reason, or at least believable, reason to enter a jewelry store. With a viable reason, Kathy might be able to persuade Sadara to try on some stuff for fun and then maybe Kathy could get a fix on her tastes in jewelry.

Sadara and Pike had been together a little over eight months and Kathy couldn’t be happier for them. Admittedly, she hadn’t seen this coming quite yet, but starship captains were known for their decisiveness. Already dressed to go hang out, Kathy called up Sadara and set up a shopping trip.

W^^^W^^^W

“Kathy invited me out shopping. Do you mind if I vanish for the evening?”

Pike chuckled as Sadara pulled on her long coat. “I think I remember my way around the kitchen. Have fun.”

W^^^W^^^W

“So what are we shopping for?” Sadara asked as she followed Kathy into the closest mall. It was the middle of December and despite the absence of snow, it was still much too frigid for the half Vulcan’s comfort. And now that they were inside, they’d soon be wanting to shed their heavy winter coats and would end up carrying them around. Yes, Sadara much preferred the spring and summer seasons.

“My niece,” Kathy said as she located the nearest jewelry store and strode inside like a woman on a mission. “I want to get her some birthstone earrings for Christmas.”

“What’s her birthstone?” Sadara asked, seeking out the gemstone displays and peering at the selections.

“Emerald. May,” the tall, redhead said and joined Sadara at the gemstone counters. They both noticed a selection of emerald studs in various cuts and shapes. 

“I say go with the square ones. What do they call those? Princess cut?” Sadara pointed them out.

“Not the round ones?”

“I guess it depends on your niece’s personality, but I like something a little different. Round is too traditional.” Sadara shrugged.

“Your birthstone is a diamond, lucky bitch…” Kathy teased.

Sadara chuckled. “That it is, but most of the quality ones are used in bridals. I’d take smaller, but high quality diamonds versus some giant moon rock. But we’re shopping for your niece and not me.”

Kathy flagged down one of the salespeople and made her purchase, then wandered down a few counters, enjoying just being out and looking. “Oh my gosh, Sadara, come here! This is sooooooo you. London blue topaz.”

Quickly moving over to see what had captivated her best friend, Sadara took in the stunning teal blue color of the gemstones Kathy had stumbled upon and gasped.

“That is a stunning color, no doubt about it,” Sadara grinned. “I’d probably wear something like that.”

“Well, while you’re drooling over that color, I’m gonna go try on some bridals just for shits and giggles.” Kathy drifted off to the other side of the jewelry store and made a nuisance of herself trying things on with no intention of buying anything more. She was hoping that Sadara would follow her lead and get into the mood of looking at bridals.

After a few minutes, Sadara had her fill of the London blue topaz and had even scored herself a small pair of studs with that particular gemstone. She materialized next to Kathy and as Kathy anticipated, started offering her unique brand of commentary on Kathy’s choices.

“Went straight for the gaudiest, most vulgar ring you can find I see.”

“Don’t think it’s me?” Kathy pouted.

“Oh it’s you alright. Large and in charge,” Sadara laughed.

That brought a huge grin to Kathy’s face. “It is, isn’t it?”

Sadara peered into the case and pointed a few out. “I like the smaller, daintier ones, like this one with the halo. And white gold or platinum is prettier. I do like the princess cut, but the rounds with the halos are gorgeous.”

Inwardly, Kathy cheered. Mission accomplished. Now to report her findings back to Admiral Pike.

W^^^W^^^W

“So I need your help again,” Christopher Pike said, stopping Kathy Bradley as she descended the stairs into the courtyard on campus. She had just finished the day’s classes and was looking forward to karaoke night with Sadara later that evening.

Admiral Pike was planning on messaging Sadara’s best friend like he had the week before, but fate had conspired such that he was able to talk to her about his idea in person.

“Yes, sir. What can I help you with?” Kathy turned toward her superior officer and gave him her undivided attention, bright green eyes burning with curiosity. She suspected he needed some help pulling the proposal off the way he wanted and if that was the case, she was only too happy to help.

“I need you to come along the Friday evening that Sadara and I go to Angel Fire so you can distract her while I set up. I can’t beat her there and prepare beforehand because the reservations are in her name.”

Kathy pondered that for a moment. “I’d love to go, but I’m wondering if Sadara might be slightly annoyed that I’m “tagging along” on what was supposed to be a romantic getaway for the two of you.”

Pike looked around, noting the mass exodus of Starfleet Academy cadets filing out of the building after the day’s classes. Some made their way to the dorms, others gathered in the courtyard to meet up with friends. Fortunately, none of them were paying Admiral Pike much mind. All were engaged in their own conversations.

“I’ll handle that,” Pike said in that authoritative way he had. “I’ll tell her that I’m honoring your traditional Friday nights out. And if that doesn’t simmer her down, she’ll understand all when I propose. I’m not anticipating much attitude on her part. She enjoys hanging out with you.”

Kathy grinned. “Alright, I’ll be there then. When you decide on a time, let me know.”

“Thank you, Kathy. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

W^^^W^^^W

Kathy was waiting in the wings when Pike and Sadara arrived at the resort. She hadn’t expected to beat them there, but the admiral had been called into a last minute meeting with Admiral Marcus regarding starship assignments and had been late getting off duty as a result. The delay had frustrated the younger admiral as he’d been rushing to beat sunset in order to execute his plan.

Pike excused himself for a moment while Sadara worked on getting them checked in. With daylight burning, the former captain of the USS Enterprise let out a sigh of tremendous relief that he’d anticipated a potential holdup and worked out a backup plan with Kathy earlier in the week. Originally, he’d planned to have already had this part of the proposal set up and would accompany Sadara back to the room. Now that the sun was setting, he needed Kathy to do that and keep the unsuspecting young woman occupied until Pike signaled her via communicator.

Gathering the room keys, Sadara turned to her best friend. “So where did Chris go, did he say?”

“To scope out the view before the sun sets and to double check dinner reservations. He shouldn’t be long. Let’s go scope out this suite you’ve been saving for the last few months.” 

Sadara double checked the room number and looked for signage indicating which direction they ought to be headed in. She was certain the young woman she just checked in with mentioned it, but she’d been distracted by her lover excusing himself for a trek outside. Locating the elevators, the young hybrid grabbed the small bags they brought and made a beeline for them.  
“I knew Chris loved the snow, but I thought surely he’d scope out the room first before wandering around outside in it…,” Sadara laughed. “If he’s that excited about it, then the trip has already been well worth it.”

The elevator deposited them on the third floor and Kathy followed close on Sadara’s heels. She had to be prepared to close the window curtains if they weren’t already before Sadara decided to scope out the view herself. And being Vulcan with a preference for heat, she would certainly do so from the warm confines of the suite.

The young brunette approached the last door on the left at the end of the hallway and keyed the door open. To Kathy’s relief the curtains were in fact pulled closed. That was one bullet dodged, but the next trick was to keep Sadara from opening them without making her suspicious.

“Hey Sadara,” Kathy said as Sadara dropped the bags on the bed. “I’m sure you’re dying to scope out the view, but can we leave the curtains closed for now. I practically freeze to death just looking at snow.”

She groaned inwardly. Not her most convincing excuse…

“Suit yourself. Order coffee at dinner though because I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of it out the window in the restaurant.”

Sadara switched on some more lights and raised the temperature in the room slightly to something her Vulcan half was more comfortable with. She looked around, taking a few moments to savor the fact that she’d been able to do something that made Pike this happy. The room was indeed beautiful and she was certain the view on the other side of those curtains was equally spectacular. She though, was looking forward to a long soak in the Jacuzzi tub after dinner, preferably with her man.

Kathy watched as Sadara unpacked. The trip was only for the weekend so Sadara hadn’t brought much, but she still wanted it to feel like home for those two days. Kathy tried to appear relaxed, but it there wasn’t much daylight left and Pike still hadn’t signaled yet.

A few moments later though, there was a knock at the door and Kathy let Sadara get it simply because it was another time buying distraction. It turned out to be Pike who didn’t have a room key at the moment. For a man who had to be a nervous wreck at that instant, he appeared calmer than he had any right to be. He even looked downright relaxed and happy. No doubt years of experience as a starship captain had perfected an outward calm even when he had to be churning on the inside. He also looked like he was freezing though he had bundled up. 

“Ladies,” he grinned. His grin was so enthusiastic it instantly made him appear about 20 years younger. It was rare to see him smile so openly and it was positively infectious. He looked toward the curtains and feigned surprise. “A view like that outside and you two haven’t opened the curtains yet?!”  
“My fault, sir,” Kathy played along. “I told Sadara I’d freeze to death just by looking at the snow. I should be headed downstairs though so you can get settled in. I’ll meet you at the restaurant in about half an hour.”

Kathy waved at them with a huge grin and quietly closed the door behind her, leaving the couple alone.

Pike made his way to the window and pulled the curtains open. “Come here, sweetheart. I really want you to see this view.”

She made her way over to him with a huge smile on her face; and he stepped back slightly so she could move in front of him. He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, just waiting for her to take it all in.

The young woman gazed out into the distance at first, noting how stunning the mountains and trees were covered in snow. As much as she disliked the cold, she had to admit that the snow was quite beautiful and had a cozy feeling. After what felt like an eternity to the patiently waiting, cautiously optimistic Starfleet officer, Sadara’s gaze dropped toward the winter wonderland right below their window. Her dark eyebrows knitted together for an instant as she saw something she hadn’t expected to see; writing in the snow and it took another moment for the words to register.

Sadara, will you marry me? Chris.

With a gasp, her hands flew to her mouth in surprise and she whirled to face the man she was in love with, sapphire eyes wide with joy and threatening to tear up. She hadn’t seen it coming at all and she was as close to speechless as it was possible for her to be. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Sadara pulled his mouth down to hers for a long, deep kiss.

“Is that a yes?” He teased when they finally came up for air.

“Yes! Of course, yes!” She beamed up at him radiantly.

This time Chris Pike was the one to pull Sadara tightly to him. He felt dizzy with euphoria and briefly wondered if it was possible to suffocate in one’s own joy.

W^^^W^^^W

 

“How do you feel about eloping?” Pike asked over breakfast the following morning. They had decided to order room service as they’d been up late the previous night. The heavenly aromas of freshly made breakfast foods greeted them as they lifted the lids off their plates. “I don’t have any close family so I can’t say I’d be packing the pews on my side.”

Sadara nodded, swirling a bite of her Belgian waffle in syrup and popping it into her mouth. She glanced at her fiance’s plate and noted that as always, it was total guy food; chicken fried steak and eggs. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him eat pancakes or anything of that sort. 

“Same here. And my mother is on New Vulcan anyway,” she said. “Eloping sounds like a wonderful idea. Were you thinking soon?”

“I was thinking in a few days, on the 31st. I can’t think of a better way to ring in the new year than having you as my wife. I’m sure I can commandeer one of my colleagues to perform the ceremony.”

Glancing out the window, Sadara considered the brilliant snow blanketed landscape and felt inspiration strike. Eloping was perfectly fine with her, but she wanted something a little more beautiful and romantic than a hurried ceremony in the academy chapel. Chris’s favorite season was winter; and even though she’d be freezing, the vibrant brunette was willing to brave a snowy ceremony for him.

“Let’s have the ceremony here,” she said, tilting her head toward the window. “Plenty of snow, the backdrop is gorgeous…”

“You shivering…,” Pike finished with a serious tone. “I don’t want you uncomfortable on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of our lives.”

Sadara suspected she might get an argument from him on that score. It was true that Vulcans didn’t tolerate the winter weather and extreme cold very well. Though it could sometimes get chilly at nights on Vulcan, the Vulcans were not as well adapted to cope with winter weather as humans were.

“Chris, I’m certain I’ll be fine for a short period of time. It’s just going to be us so it’s not like we’ll be having some long, drawn out Catholic Mass wedding. And just think of how amazing the pictures will be with how gorgeous the scenery is right now. I think I can handle fifteen minutes of cold for that. Unless of course you really don’t want to.”

Pike loved the idea of a ceremony in this location, but he still had reservations about subjecting his love to anything longer than to take a few pictures in it; not unless they were willing to be married in winter weather clothes. Somehow he suspected Sadara would prefer to look prettier than that on her wedding day. Hell, he was a guy and even he wanted to look right. The dress uniform though would be warmer than a dress Sadara might wear. If the ceremony was done quickly though, it was doable before she froze. Pike was deeply touched by how far she was willing to go to include his love of the winter season in this even though it certainly wasn’t her favorite time of the year.

“I like it, but if I think it’s too cold for you, we’re taking it inside.”

“Yes, admiral,” she teased.  
W^^^W^^^W

The ceremony had been a quiet affair in a fairly secluded part of the resort’s courtyard. It had been business as usual for the resort so the couple had sought permission for the ceremony, but still wanted to keep it as out of the way as possible. Needing a witness, Sadara had invited Kathy back and the three had dinner out after the requisite photo ops. Sadara had managed to score on short notice a gorgeous tea length wedding dress that looked very wintery. The pictures were going to be incredible.

As the newlyweds arrived back at their room, Pike felt a sting of irritation that his limp wouldn’t allow him to carry his new bride “over the threshold” so to speak. It wasn’t that he wasn’t strong enough to carry her; he simply couldn’t maintain good balance with his injury. He had to settle for simply getting the door for her.

“After you, Mrs. Pike.” His light blue eyes were bright with happiness as she slipped passed him into the warm, cozy suite.

Sadara smiled radiantly up at him as he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. “Mrs. Pike. I love the sound of that; though I suppose that means I’ll be attending those tedious little Starfleet functions with you now?”

“Misery loves company,” he teased with a laugh.

“Mhm….” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed her new husband tenderly this time, savoring the blissful moment. This was far and away the happiest she’d ever been. “You, Admiral Pike, look incredible in that dress uniform. Not that you don’t everyday, but…”

The Starfleet officer’s strong hands found the zipper of her dress and he slowly dragged it down as they kissed. He gently backed her toward the bed and then let the snow white gown pool at her feet. He did pick her up this time just long enough to avoid them both trampling her dress and deposited her gently on the bed.


	10. The Unexpected

Captain Jim Kirk and his first officer, Commander Spock entered Admiral Pike’s office. The Enterprise had just returned to Earth after completing the last planetary survey. There hadn’t been any issues with the mission so there really was no reason to visit Admiral Pike except that Kirk considered the admiral to be something of a father figure and thus, felt the need and want to visit the man.

Kirk approached the admiral sitting at his desk with an excited grin and he peered over the desk a bit to see the new pictures that weren’t there when Kirk was last in Pike’s office. “So what’s this I hear you married that girlfriend of yours a few weeks ago?! Congratulations, admiral! You’ll have to tell me how you did it.”

“Thanks, Jim. I’d love to tell you all about it, but Admiral Marcus just sent me new orders for the Enterprise. I’m afraid you’ll be shipping right back out tonight. We’ll have to catch up when you get back. It’s not another planetary survey so don’t groan.”

Kirk grinned at the last tidbit. He disliked the tedium that was planetary surveys so the opportunity to do something different this time energized him. “Well in that case, warp speed ahead, sir.”

W^^^W^^^W

 

“Chris, I was really hoping you’d be home on time tonight. We had dinner plans and I was really looking forward to this.” Sadara sat at the comm in their apartment and sighed, tucking a lock of her dark brown hair behind her delicately pointed ear. Inwardly, his constant late nights at work had begun to grate on her nerves. She knew it was illogical to feel that way. She knew what his line of work was when she married him. Starfleet officers were technically on duty 24/7; and they could be ordered to work late or called in at any time. And as an admiral, Pike was involved in major decisions that affected Starfleet as a whole. Most of the time, the young hybrid was able to just let her frustrations with his late nights at work go, but she’d been increasingly irritable and tired the last few weeks and it was starting to show.

The changes hadn’t gone unnoticed by her husband either. The third year at the academy tended to be more brutal than the first two or even the fourth year so he knew that was taking a toll on her, but he was convinced something else was going on. He had suspicions about the cause, but he didn’t know for sure.

“I realize that, but dinner plans are flexible,” he said, hoping to sound empathetic. She didn’t often get upset about this, but he needed her to remain tolerant about these things.

“I understand that dinner plans can be changed, but what happens tomorrow night? And the night after that? Are we supposed to just keep rescheduling?”

“We’ll talk about it later. I’m sorry, but I have to get in this meeting with Admiral Marcus. I love you.”

Sadara smiled slightly, but there was still disappointment in her voice. “I love you too.”

After cutting the connection, the Vulcan/Human hybrid cancelled their dinner plans and wandered into the bedroom. She studied her reflection in the full length mirror for a moment, admiring how the powder blue color of her new dress complimented her coloring. She’d bought the dress specifically for that evening and sighed with disappointment as she stripped out of it and hung it back up. She stepped out of the low silver heels and returned those to the closet before padding her way to the bathroom to go soak in the shower and wash her makeup off.

Dinner plans were just too unpredictable given how needed Pike was at Starfleet Headquarters so she hadn’t rescheduled their plans.

Sadara loved water, showers and swimming in particular so she allowed herself to take her time and relax under the hot spray. She remembered with some irritation that she hadn’t cleaned up her mess at the comm unit after she’d cancelled their dinner plans. Her glass of cranberry juice still sat half full on the desk along with her datapadd that she’d forgotten to turn off when she answered Chris’s call home. Usually she was excellent about cleaning up as she went so clutter never accumulated, but it seemed that her short term memory had been failing her the last few weeks. She resolved to get that under control.

After her shower, she threw on a tank top and shorts and traveled into the kitchen to conjure up something for supper. She wasn’t sure how late Pike would be so she searched for something that would be easy for him to warm up. She settled on spaghetti. It was quick and easy and one of his favorites. Not feeling very hungry herself, Sadara sat down with a small plate, reflecting on the fact that eating alone had been happening frequently the last several weeks. She supposed she could try to adjust her own eating schedule so she wasn’t starving when he came home late. Perhaps she could snack after classes let out and then simply eat with him when he finally came home.

Caught up on her studies for the week, she decided to turn in early.

W^^^W^^^W

The quiet click of the door roused Sadara from a light doze. She rolled over and glanced at the chronometer on the nightstand on Pike’s side of the bed. Just after 10 o’clock. Her acute Vulcan hearing picked up her husband’s light footsteps as he made his way to the kitchen, no doubt hungry enough to eat a horse. She remained in bed, though she was sure she wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep soon. His plate of spaghetti had been left where he would find it. After a few moments she could hear him move toward his desk and sit. He often ate at his desk at work during lunch so he could keep working on things, but unusual for him to do so at home. 

He was about to dig into his supper when he caught sight of the datapadd Sadara had accidentally left on the desk earlier in the evening. Mistakenly believing she had done so on purpose, he bolted into the bedroom with it, scarcely able to believe his eyes and almost unable to breathe. The backlight on the slim piece of technology brightened the room and Sadara sat up, blinking in the semi-darkness. She could just make out the tears welling up in his blue eyes.

Sadara noted the object in his hand and felt another wave of disappointment wash over her. That wasn’t how she’d wanted him to find out; and now the moment was lost forever.

“You’re pregnant?” He breathed. Even speaking the words, it still felt surreal. There were no words to describe the unbelievable joy he felt in that moment. He couldn’t have stumbled upon a more perfect surprise after coming home from such a grueling day at work. On the datapadd had been the results and sonogram from her doctor’s appointment earlier that morning; an appointment she’d managed to fly under the radar in order to surprise him. A surprise she’d no doubt planned to give him over dinner earlier.

The image of their unborn son or daughter was startling in its detail and clarity. Just over four weeks along, the vital organs were only now starting to form and the little being itself just starting to take on a more humanoid appearance. The knowledge that he and Sadara had created that tiny person threatened to take his breath away; the enormity of it felt almost bigger than them.

Sadara nodded and finally a happy smile cracked through the disappointment she felt at the ruined evening. “I am. The doctor said it’s developing well, but this is the first quarter Vulcan hybrid so I have to be monitored weekly in the first trimester. Many doctor’s appointments coming up.”

Not caring that he was still in his Starfleet uniform, Pike lowered himself onto the bed and gathered his young wife into his arms, the tears of joy finally spilling onto his cheeks. Sadara had never seen her husband this emotional before and the sight brought her to happy tears as well.

“It’s perfect, my love. Life is perfect. Everything is perfect,” he said, still holding her tight.

She found she couldn’t help but be in total agreement with him.

W^^^W^^^W

Sleep had eluded both of them that night. Sadara’s difficulty falling asleep was largely due to the nap she had taken earlier while Pike was still trying to absorb the news that he was going to be a father finally. They had more or less planned the baby, agreeing to simply let nature take its course after they were married. Still, they hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly.

As he lay in bed, Admiral Pike’s mind whirled through all the ways their lives would be changed by the coming baby. He had a two bedroom apartment even though it had just been him up until last year and he didn’t often have guests. After living in cramped quarters on board starships for much of his adult life, he supposed he enjoyed having a little extra space. The only thing that made him itch to move was the floorplan. The second bedroom was on the other side of the apartment so the baby would have to be in their room for quite some time, not that he minded. He supposed it was the inexperience of first time parents that was driving his concern about the baby’s room not being right next to theirs. He’d heard that parents tended to relax with the second child.

And then there was Sadara’s fourth and last year at the Academy that would begin several weeks before the baby was due. The doctor had been rather hesitant to give Sadara a due date. This was the first quarter Vulcan/three quarter Human hybrid and the doctor wasn’t certain if this pregnancy would go the normal nine months for humans or on to ten as was standard for Vulcans. He gave Sadara a rough estimate somewhere between the two and settled on the middle of October. 

Pike wasn’t overly concerned about Sadara missing a semester at the Academy. She could always pick up her fourth year during the spring semester. He also considered the possibility of her completing coursework from home so at least her classes for fall semester were completed. She could make up any field exercises in the spring. That had been done on a few occasions by other cadets in the past.

And as forward as the Starfleet admiral was looking to the new addition, his heart still hurt that he may not have the physical capability to play all those rough and tumble sports if their baby was a boy. Or a girl that turned out to be a tomboy. If she was anything like her other, it was a definite possibility.

His thoughts were interrupted by the obnoxiously shrill sound of the alarm going off. Pike rolled over to put an end to the beeping noise and sighed. He remained still for a few moments before sitting up and looking over at his finally sleeping wife. He wasn’t certain when she’d finally drifted off, but he was glad she had. Reaching over, he brushed her soft hair back, exposing her pointed ears. He wondered if their baby would have more Vulcan traits than Human. It didn’t matter to him either way, but it did make him curious.

Sadara stirred at the light contact and rolled over to smile warmly at her husband. He returned the smile sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to wake you.” His voice was deep and low, particularly first thing in the morning and she loved it.

“It’s alright. I need to be up soon to get ready for class anyway,” she reassured him with a deep, passionate kiss that was threatening to put him in the mood for lovemaking. It was no doubt her intent as she could be mischievous that way sometimes. 

“Careful or else I’m going to be distracted doing something that’s going to make me late for work,” he chuckled. He looked down on her deciding if he wanted his cake and eat it too. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her toward him on the bed and then to her feet, leading her to the shower.

“We are going to kill two birds with one stone this morning,” he grinned in that smartass way he had as he got the water going. He palmed the thin, satin straps of his wife’s light blue slip off her shoulders and let it fall off her body to the floor. His lips found her neck and shoulders as his arms wrapped themselves around her waist. His hands rested on her middle, caressing it gently. It would still be months before she’d show and they’d feel their son or daughter’s gentle kicks.

“I’m going to be huge; all swollen and unattractive…,” she laughed.

“You’re going to be even more beautiful,” Pike hushed her.

Sadara grinned and hopped in the shower, pulling Pike in with her. Their kisses grew more frantic and urgent as the hot spray pelted down on them until Pike reached for Sadara’s legs and pushed her up against the wall, entering her swiftly. Quickies weren’t really Pike’s thing. They felt too impersonal, too casual; but Sadara had moments when she wanted sex in a time crunch. And she was responsive this morning. Her cries told him she was already getting close and he picked up his pace until she cried out and he felt her squeeze around him, triggering his own release.

“Better?” He grinned, kissing her before setting her back down on her feet.

“Mhm…,” she said, holding him tightly. “We’d better finish this shower though or you’re still going to be late.”

W^^^W^^^W

A few weeks later, Pike returned home from duty looking worn and irritated, which was unlike him. Sadara looked up from the couch and frowned. 

“Chris?” She rose from the couch, her expression radiating concern.

Closing the door quietly, he stopped just inside their apartment and gazed at his wife almost apologetically.

“Jim has been relieved of command of the Enterprise. Admiral Marcus gave me back the Enterprise. I’m shipping out next week. I-I’m sorry. I know this wasn’t what we’d been expecting.”

Sadara simply stared at him in disbelief. He was right; they hadn’t been expecting him to return to space. Certainly not her given his injury. She of course realized that Starfleet could be unpredictable and dangerous at times and her husband could be called upon for anything at any time, but she had truly believed he wouldn’t be returned to duty aboard a starship for medical reasons.

“Will you be home for the baby’s birth?” She whispered softly. Her heart was pounding in her ribcage. She tried desperately to wrap her mind around what he’d just said. All she could think of was the possibility that her child would grow up without his father, just like Pike had tried to avoid by remaining single all those years.

Pike shook his head. “I have no way of knowing that, Sadara. It all depends on what mission the Enterprise is assigned at that time. I may be able to take leave. I may not. I can’t promise you anything, you know that.”

Pulling her into his arms, he rested his chin in her hair, inhaling its soft, floral scent. He rubbed her back comfortingly, not saying anything. There really wasn’t anything to say. Pike loved starship command, even thrived on it; but he had accepted that those years were behind him and had been looking forward to a quieter life on Earth with his wife and their coming child. It pained him to leave them for such a long period of time and that he would be leaving his very young wife to raise their baby almost singlehandedly. 

“I promise I will come home as often as I can. Be strong, sweetheart. It will be alright.” He pressed his thin lips to her forehead before releasing her and capturing her lips with his for a much more tender kiss.

“I have to leave again for a little while. I have to go find Jim and let him know that I saved his bacon. Sort of. I won’t be long. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sadara responded softly. She looked down, trying to hide the tears. He didn’t need to see her cry with so much going on right now. She would try to figure out how to raise their baby and take care of her last year at the academy and her internship somehow.

She felt his strong hand caress her shoulder gently and then heard the door open and shut behind him.

The more irrational part of her wanted to slap Jim Kirk into the nearest black hole.


	11. Admiral Pike's Death

The deafening sound of sirens rushing down the street separating Starfleet Headquarters and Starfleet Academy from the apartment complex Sadara and Pike lived in drew Sadara out on their balcony to try to get a look at what the commotion was. Their balcony wasn’t in a good spot for seeing anything that might be occurring at HQ even though it gave a stellar view of the parade field at the academy; the same parade field she had run into Admiral Pike last April that led to their entire relationship.

Her sensitive Vulcan hearing monitored the sirens hoping to pinpoint the location they were heading to. It definitely sounded like the vehicles were stopping near Starfleet HQ which made her heart lurch. She couldn’t imagine what might have happened there and certainly hoped she was wrong. Her husband of less than two months was still out though and had even called a short while ago to let her know that an emergency session had been called, which of course required his presence. 

Sadara grabbed her heavy winter jacket out of the coat closet and threw it on just as her communicator beeped.   
That’s not a good sign…, she noted as a lump formed in her throat. She swallowed hard and steeled herself, summoning the courage to answer the incessant beeping. Flipping it open, she took a deep breath.

“Sadara here,”

“Hey, it’s me, Kathy. You need to get out here and across the street like now.”

Sadara was positive she wasn’t thrilled about the urgency in her best friend’s voice, but Kathy still lived in the dorms and if anything had happened at Starfleet HQ, she would have gotten wind of it by now. “I’m just now putting on my jacket. I’ll meet you outside the coffee shop in a few minutes.”

Barely remembering to lock the door, the young hybrid bolted for the elevators and cursed the eternity it was taking them to reach her floor. She offered up another string of curse words as she impatiently endured the trip down to the ground floor. Patience wasn’t a virtue she possessed in great quantity and even less so when she was worried or scared, both of which she was right now. All she could even think of was how much she fervently hoped that Pike was alive and well regardless of what fresh hell had broken loose this time.

Rushing from the elevator as soon as the doors parted enough for even a sliver of light from the lobby, she nearly trampled an older couple waiting for the same elevator. She sprinted across the lobby not caring that the floor might be slippery and she could slip and kill herself and pushed through the glass doors into the cold chill of that February night. Looking to her right, she spotted Kathy already waiting for her. Kathy was also bundled up warm, but her back was to Sadara and the Vulcan/Human hybrid glanced up to see what Kathy was looking at. At the angle they were facing Starfleet HQ, Sadara could barely make out that part of the building at the top floors had been demolished. That was near where the conference room was that her love was supposed to be in a meeting at.

Shrapnel continued to fall to the ground and the sirens of responding emergency vehicles continued blaring in the distance. Sadara knew she had to get over there quick before they roped everything off otherwise she could be waiting hours before she was told anything. Excruciatingly long hours that would feel like an eternity to her. 

“Oh Surak… Chris…,” she whispered in disbelief as she sprinted over to her best friend, Kathleen Bradley. Her heart was slamming against her ribcage at this point.

Picking up on the running footsteps, Kathy turned to see Sadara come to a screeching halt right next to her. The tall Irish woman’s bright green eyes were wide with disbelief, but she grabbed Sadara’s arm and took off running in the direction of Starfleet HQ. It would take them about fifteen minutes to get there at a decent run.

As they got closer, they could see more of the damage to the building which did nothing to put Sadara’s mind at ease. It appeared that someone had targeted that area of the building specifically. 

Finally they bounded up as close as they could come to the tall building before running into the blockades and roped off areas that Sadara had anticipated. Kathy, despite being in good shape, was still fairly winded after the run. A throng of people had already gathered and the officers posted in that area were doing their level best to answer all the frantic questions.

Sadara glared at the blockade knowing full well she could hurdle it at any time, but she wasn’t certain what the reaction of the officers would be to that. It took every ounce of discipline she possessed to remain rooted to the ground instead of bulldozing through and charging into the building in frantic haste. She sternly reminded herself that she was an Admiral’s wife and that meant that she of all people would be most expected to conduct herself with some dignity here. She also had their unborn baby to consider so doing something rash wasn’t even remotely advisable.

She could feel Kathy’s concerned gaze and she turned to look up at her taller friend. “I want to rush up there,” Sadara choked out. “But I can’t. Not knowing if the danger has passed… not with this baby on the way. I’d be willing to risk me, but not my baby.”

She leaned into Kathy’s tight hug and felt the first tears sting her eyes. As much as she resented the wait for news, she knew she would have to.

“There’s Spock,” Kathy said, surprise tingeing her voice and raised her hand, trying to flag down the universe’s other Vulcan/Human hybrid.

After a moment, Spock noticed the movement in the small crowd and raised a weary eyebrow, but approached them. Kathy Bradley, Spock recognized. He was familiar with some of the cadets and had heard Admiral Pike mention Sadara’s friend occasionally. As he came closer, he realized that Sadara was with her.

“Cadet Bradley,” Spock inclined his head at her in acknowledgement, then looked down at Sadara with a haunted look in his eyes, though his expression never changed. It didn’t have to; the sadness in his warm brown eyes was her confirmation. For what felt like an eternity the young woman couldn’t even breathe. It was as if she’d been punched in the gut and all the air in her lungs had left her. She could barely register the sounds around her as they were almost completely drowned out by the deafening pounding of her heart in her ears. The entire world had been reduced to her and her unborn baby.

Kathy caught Sadara as her legs gave out and eased her to the ground. “No…,” she whispered, only somewhat aware of the outside world. “This can’t be happening…”

Spock remained quiet for a few moments, allowing Sadara to process the devastating news. He was no stranger to such a shock himself, remembering how paralyzing the shock of the loss of his mother had been to him the year before as he stood on that transporter pad. It hadn’t felt real at first as it likely wasn’t to Pike’s young widow now.

“I grieve with thee,” Spock said softly, completely sincere. He too, would miss the admiral though definitely not in the same way or degree that his wife would.

Brushing the tears off of her face, Sadara pushed herself to her feet with Kathy’s assistance and straightened, attempting to reclaim some semblance of composure.

“Thank you, Commander Spock. I… I would like to see him.”

Nodding silently, Spock brought her through the blockade after alerting the officers that he was taking the two women with him. It took a few moments for the elevators to reach the appropriate floor. Sadara exited first, acutely aware of the two pairs of eyes watching her with concern. She paused just outside the elevators, waiting for Spock to lead the way. There wasn’t much light as most of the area had been torn up by the phaser fire, but there was activity as medical teams treated the injured and the authorities were investigating the attack.

Their footsteps echoed in her ears and the teary eyed brunette wondered if this was the similar kind of foreboding and resignation that deathrow inmates felt like on the way to their own execution. Only this wasn’t her own death, though a part of her felt like it had died to be certain. For the briefest of moments, she wondered if she would ever be able to love again; if her husband hadn’t taken her whole heart with him at the moment of his death. 

Spock led the way back to the small room he had dragged the dying admiral back to. He wasn’t surprised to find that the medical teams hadn’t moved his body yet. Their priority was to treat the injured first and then tend to the dead. His human half wished to spare her this sight, but the Vulcan half knew that Sadara needed to face this in order to move on and heal. Stepping into the room, he stood off to the right near the door and allowed her to take her time.

The young mother to be hesitated just inside the doorframe staring at the corpse of her husband laying on the couch. In a detached, clinical way she noted how odd it was that the look of death, even from a distance, was so easy to distinguish from that of sleep. Drawing in a deep breath, she straightened and steeled herself as she fully entered the room. She approached the couch slowly and perched herself on the edge. His bright blue eyes were still sightlessly staring at the ceiling; eyes that no longer recognized her or would ever see their baby.

As the tears fell, she took his left hand, stroking the back of it and finally lacing her fingers with his own. Pike was already starting to feel cold to the touch, but the cool, silvery metal of his wedding ring made her gasp as the realization that it would have to come off dawned on her and then suddenly the reality of her husband’s death crashed down on her like a ton of bricks. Harsh sobs tore from her throat and wracked her body as she buried her face in his neck. Some part of her mind registered that Kathy had joined her and was softly rubbing her back. A few moments later, Sadara calmed somewhat and looked up to see that one of the medical teams was waiting patiently outside the room. Leaving a lingering kiss goodbye on her husband’s lips, Sadara slipped his wedding ring off his finger and placed it on one of hers until she could find a safe place for it at home. Palming his eyes closed, she stood. She knew there wasn’t a real point to it, but she wanted to be the last one who saw his bright blue eyes.

Thanking Spock for bringing her up there, Sadara exited the room so the medical team could do its job. She wondered if it was possible to ferret out a sedative from one of them so she could some sleep before she was faced with the aftermath of Pike’s death and all the arrangements that came with it.

Grateful that she had a good friend in Kathy, Sadara knew that she was going to need help getting through the coming months with the baby on the way. She was going to be a single mother and she resolved to find a way to be a good one.

W^^^W^^^W

Sadara awoke the next morning at about 1000 hours. She had managed to procure a sedative from one of the medical teams the night before and had actually enjoyed several hours of merciful oblivion of the shambles her life had been reduced to. The smell of coffee wafted into the bedroom and for a split second hope bubbled up in her that perhaps it had all been a horrible nightmare. Rolling over toward Pike’s side of the bed, it all came back with horrifying clarity as the young widow encountered nothing but empty space beside her. Kathy had stayed over and was the one making coffee.

For a long moment, Sadara simply stared at the ceiling. In the harsh daylight of the morning, everything felt surreal again, as if it happened forever ago or not at all. It was hard to believe that it had only been about 12 hours since Admiral Pike’s death.

“This can’t be real…,” she whispered to the silent room. She remained still for a few more moments and then somehow managed to drag herself to a sitting position. As she glanced around the bedroom, she wondered what she was supposed to do with all of his stuff. Cling to it? Give some of it away? Keep it, but pack it in the spare bedroom closet like her mother had when Sadara’s father had died? Should she move and try to start over? Just what the hell did humans do with the belongings on deceased loved ones? She felt too young to be a widow and really had no idea how to go about dealing with all of this.

The human part of her was insisting that it was way too soon to even be deciding stuff like that; that she should feel guilty for wondering about things like that before the service had even been scheduled much less taken place. Sadara was by no means anxious to pack up her late husband’s things, but her more practical Vulcan half knew that she was going to have to move on soon so that she could make room for other possibilities and maybe even someone new in her life eventually, though she couldn’t imagine ever letting herself be this vulnerable ever again.

She glanced at the dresser where their favorite of their wedding photos sat framed and the tears sprang unbidden to her eyes once more knowing she would never see that bright, happy smile again. As much as she tried not to rely on her Vulcan half to deal with things, she really wanted to stop crying so much as it just exhausted her. She had somehow managed to get a decent night’s sleep and really didn’t want to have to drag herself through this day any more than she had to. Her human half and the aspiring counselor in her insisted that it wasn’t healthy in the long run for her to try to bottle up her grief.

With what felt like a monumental effort, Sadara pushed herself to her feet and padded into the bathroom for a quick shower, and then joined Kathy in the kitchen. Perhaps she would have some advice on how to go about getting through this.


	12. Moving On with Vulcan Mind Melds

The scene outside looked like something out of a disaster movie. The late Admiral Marcus’ unholy warship, the USS Vengeance had been crashed into San Francisco by the equally unholy superhuman, Khan Noonien Singh. Vengeance had apparently been the word and motive of the last few days. Vengeance against Admiral Marcus, vengeance against Khan, the Klingons, and who knew who else, all while innocent bystanders were killed or injured. The news was still replete with updates even two days later as the devastation was slowly being cleaned up and that area of San Francisco underwent the initial stages of rebuilding.

The apartment complex that Sadara lived in had mercifully been spared the carnage. She had been at her other home in Santa Fe, NM when those events unfolded, but had returned to their apartment shortly after hearing about it. The young woman wasn’t sure if she could have endured losing all of Pike’s belongings so soon after losing him. Still, it was a grizzly sight out her window and her heart hurt for those who had lost loved ones.

A gentle knock at the door drew her out of her reverie and she turned to see Kathy rise from the couch and move to answer it. Kathy had remained at Sadara’s side throughout the last few days and Sadara had been thankful for the company. She had been a big help in keeping Sadara positive.

Quietly pulling the door open, Kathy’s green eyes lit up with surprise. “Commander Spock, come in.”

The Enterprise’s first officer entered with a small box tucked under his right arm. “Forgive the intrusion. I… felt the need to ascertain your well being and inquire if you need any assistance. Also, I took the liberty of recovering Admiral Pike’s belongings from his office. I assumed you’d want them back.”

“Thank you, Commander Spock. I am as well as I can be all things considered.”

Kathy took the box and set it down on the dining room table as Spock clasped his hands behind his back in that serene manner he had. “I also came to request a favor.”

“If I can. What can I help you with?”

“Captain Kirk would wish to attend Admiral Pike’s memorial service, but our intrepid Dr. McCoy has informed me that it could be two weeks before he is well enough to do so. Would you be willing to wait such a time?”

Sadara nodded. “Of course, Mr. Spock. I can certainly do that.”

Spock looked about to say something else, but he stopped himself and simply raised an eyebrow. In his mind meld with Pike as the admiral lay dying, Spock felt and saw things in the human’s mind that he felt his widow deserved to know; things that might help bring her closure, but before making the offer he needed advice first. And that meant another call to New Vulcan.

“Thank you, ladies,” he nodded, then departed.

W^^^W^^^W

Calling up his older/alternate universe self was getting to be a habit, Spock reflected as he tried to reach the older Spock via subspace. He had returned to his quarters aboard the Enterprise and was sitting at his comm terminal with a mug of hot Vulcan tea. After a few moments, the wizened elder Vulcan’s face appeared on his screen and greeted him.

“Please forgive my disturbing you, but I am faced with a situation that I am uncertain as to the wiser choice. Admiral Pike was killed by Khan and just moments before his passing, I melded with him. He left behind a wife and unborn child and I am uncertain if sharing his last thoughts with her would be comforting or harmful.”

A small sigh escaped the elder Spock and his warm brown eyes held sadness. In the timeline he came from, he had held much respect for Captain Christopher Pike; so much so that Spock had risked his career to help his severely crippled former captain. That Captain Pike had a slightly happier ending to his story than the murdered version in this timeline.

“I know of his marriage to Cadet Lochlan. It is regrettable that tragedy has also struck her so young in this timeline. I have not met her in this timeline so I do not know how similar she is to the Sadara Lochlan I knew. What I can tell you is that a mind meld such as the one you’re proposing brought me a great deal of comfort after my father’s passing. If she is anything like the Sadara I knew, she would find the sharing to be of great comfort.”

The younger Spock pondered that a moment. “I probably shouldn’t ask you this, but what was she like? The Sadara you knew?”  
“Ambitious, insightful, adventurous; and prone to impulsive decisions based on emotion. She heavily favored her human half. Admittedly, I was not very accepting of her when I first met her.”

“I can’t say I’ve experienced any particularly animosity toward her. She simply chose a different way of life. What changed your mind?” Spock said, his brows knitting together in confusion. 

“Some commonalities, time, and my best friend cared for her deeply.”

“Jim Kirk,” Spock confirmed, almost unable to believe it.”

“Under no circumstances are you to share with him what I’m telling you now, but he eventually married her and they had a family of their own. Until I was brought here, I still maintained regular contact with their adult children. She had never met Captain Pike in my timeline.”

That caused Spock’s eyebrows to hit his bangs, but he nodded, giving the matter some more thought. “Thank you. I will consider your advice.”

The two Spocks cut the connection, leaving the younger Spock to ponder his next move. The information from his elder counterpart had made the decision somewhat easier. What Spock wasn’t certain of now was an appropriate time.

W^^^W^^^W

About three weeks later, Sadara and Kathleen returned to Sadara’s apartment following the memorial service for Admiral Christopher Pike. In her arms, the young widow carried the perfectly folded flag of the United Federation of Planets and set it down next to a triangular glass flag case that was waiting on the dining room table. Spock had bought the glass case for Sadara as opposed to adding to the collection of sympathy bouquets accumulating around the apartment. It made sense coming from a Vulcan of course. The flag case was far more practical than a floral arrangement that wouldn’t last more than a week.

The memorial service had brought fresh tears to Sadara’s sapphire eyes, but after three weeks since Pike’s death, she was finally starting to reach a point where the constant crying had lessened. It was still taking time for her to get used to her husband not being there. It had been amazing how much she had become used to his daily routine. It still felt surreal to wake up alone in their bed and some mornings it still took her a moment to process the reality of the situation. As Sadara carefully placed the folded flag into the glass case, she wondered if now that the memorial service was over, that surreal feeling would finally abate.  
Lifting the glass case, she cradled it gently in her arms and walked over to the fireplace to place the flag on the mantle. She gazed at it for a long moment reflecting on how much Pike had loved just sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. On more than one occasion, their cuddling in front of the fireplace had led to lovemaking which were now bittersweet memories for Sadara. She gazed down at her wedding ring and touched it gently. The diamonds glittered in the firelight; and having had it for just two months, the ring had still not lost that brand new luster. The white gold was still perfectly polished. For a moment she wondered if it was time to take it off and put it in her jewelry box along with Pike’s, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that just yet. It still felt too soon and she needed time before she’d be able to open up to anyone new.

Entering into a new relationship was something she had pondered curiously. It still felt too early to think of such things, but the impossibly brunette knew that at some point the time would come for her to move on. The Vulcan part of her recoiled protectively from the possibility as if it would be illogical to allow herself to be so vulnerable again. Her human half knew that eventually she would wish for companionship once more. But she’d be a woman with a young child at that point; and that meant that the playing field would be narrowed some. Not all men were game to take on another’s man’s child. Perhaps that was for the best though as it would weed out most of the guys who weren’t serious.

Sadara shook her head sternly to banish those thoughts. It irritated her that her focus had already turned so fully to the unpredictable variables of her future. She blamed her practical Vulcan half for that while her human half lingered behind in bittersweet memory. There was no way to predict how long Pike would have lived had he not been murdered, but Sadara had anticipated at least twenty years of marriage, hopefully more than that.

Not wishing to fall behind, Sadara had gutted out the last three weeks of school; and had managed to endure her classes with composure despite the prying and sympathetic eyes of her instructors and classmates. One of the most difficult aspects of the entire experience of the last three weeks was her OB appointments. For couples joyously anticipating the arrival of a child, obstetric appointments were filled with excitement. Where it hadn’t felt that way before, the waiting room now had that ominous foreboding one felt when entering into a potentially awkward situation. Humans came from all kinds of cultures and upbringings. What was considered rude and unacceptable to one human might be considered perfectly fine by another. And humans were known for trying to initiate small talk in places like waiting rooms. 

One woman the week before last asked the young hybrid where her husband was. Sadara realized the woman was simply trying to make conversation, erroneously assuming that his status was something harmless like he was on his way or was unable to get away from work this time. Even though Sadara felt that it was none of this woman’s business, she didn’t want to embarrass the lady so she simply replied that he was unable to make it. It was sufficiently vague, but seemed enough to satisfy her or she got the hint that it wasn’t any of her business.  
Part of Sadara wondered if perhaps the harsh truth was still better. She wasn’t fishing for sympathy or attention by any means, but she wondered how many of these same women she might see in this very waiting room in the near future waiting for their next appointments. She’d still be sitting there alone, her husband still unable to make it. Perhaps it didn’t matter, but part of her did feel self conscious sitting there, wondering if they were silently speculating if she even knew who her baby’s father was or if she’d been abandoned by him. She tried to remind herself that it didn’t matter what other people thought, but she was fiercely protective of her late husband’s memory and was at the moment sensitive about others speculating untrue things about him. 

Still those types of worries paled in comparison to the fact that her baby would be growing up without a father. And no place on Earth drove that fact home more harshly than sitting in that damned waiting room without Pike. Kathy had offered to try and be excused from classes so Sadara would have some company, but Sadara felt she’d done so much as it was that she couldn’t ask her best friend to risk falling behind for doctor’s appointments. Sadara was just going to have get used to going to these types of activities alone.

Her heart hurt mostly for her coming son or daughter. She herself had lost her father, Brian at a very young age; she knew the pain of explaining to friends and peers why her father never came to school functions, why he missed out on every important event of her life. She couldn’t believe her baby was going to have to grow up that way as well. And worse, he or she would have absolutely no memories of Pike. Sadara at least had her father the first six years of her life.

“Sadara?” Kathy’s voice was laced with concern and curiosity. “Are you okay?”

Sadara shook her head. “I’m sorry. Just lost in my thoughts. Let’s order takeout. I don’t feel like cooking tonight.”

“Sounds good to me. I don’t feel like cooking either. How does Chinese sound?” Kathy sat down at the comm unit and proceeded to look up the nearest Chinese restaurant that delivered.

The door chime chirped as Sadara was pouring drinks for the both of them. “I’ll get it. Sometimes I think I should have that door changed out into a revolving door as often as I have visitors these days.”

She chuckled and made her way to the door, pulling it open for her visitor. “Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, this is a surprise! Come in. We’re about to order Chinese food. Would you care to stay for supper?”

Spock’s mouth opened, about to decline and suggest they return at a more convenient time, but Kirk beat him to it, deciding to accept and see if they could bring the two ladies some cheer. Spock sighed in resignation and followed Kirk in.

“Kathy has the menu up on the screen if you need to look at it,” she inclined her head at her redheaded best friend and returned to the kitchen to finish pouring drinks, bringing them out for everyone. Kirk drifted over to Kathy’s position and peered at the menu, picking something out for him as well as something suitable for Spock.

Spock took his glass and decided to get down to business, pulling Sadara aside in the spare bedroom. “It was not our intention to interrupt your meal, but I do require a few moments of your time. I… mind melded with Admiral Pike moments before his passing. If you are interested, I would be willing to share the experience with you whenever you are ready.”

Sadara knew that mind melds were deeply personal. She had only been involved in a few mind melds with her mother and grandfather; never with someone not of her own family. She was deeply grateful that Spock was willing to share such a private experience with her. She had no idea what he had seen in Pike’s mind, but she was certain if there was no chance she would get peace from the experience, Spock would not have offered. She was confident she would gain much from allowing the meld.

“I would appreciate that, Spock. Thank you. Perhaps after the evening meal?”

“That would be acceptable,” Spock nodded and they returned to the living room to await delivery of their supper.

W^^^W^^^W

The conversation over dinner had been pleasant enough. Kathy had been rather surprised that Sadara had welcomed the company as eagerly as she had, but she couldn’t deny that Kirk and Spock had been a welcome distraction from the horrors of the last three weeks. Despite the elephant in the room, not one of them chose to embrace the dismal, but obvious topics of the attack at Daystrom and the crash landing of the USS Vengeance. Spock was particularly puzzled by the lack of attention those topics were receiving at the dinner table though from what he knew of humans such avoidance was often normal. Instead they chatted about recent movies seen, favorite restaurants, and other “get to know you” topics. Small talk wasn’t exactly Spock’s forte so he remained mostly silent as they ate. As a result, he was the first one finished eating and simply sat quietly as the others continued chatting.

Glancing over at Spock, Sadara noted that he appeared ready to get the evening moving along and she rose to gather the empty plates and set them in the sink for washing later. Kathy joined her in the kitchen, gently placing a hand on her close friend’s arm to let her know that she’d clean up while Sadara and Spock went about the business of the mind meld.

Nodding silently, Sadara glanced up at Spock again who had retreated to the living room near the doorway to the spare bedroom, arms clasped behind his back. Despite the relaxed pose, he appeared rather tense. The brunette hybrid couldn’t blame him as she was rather nervous as well. She’d experienced mind melds before, but never anything on this scale. Tonight she’d learn about, even to some extent experience her late husband’s final moments. Her throat constricted and she swallowed hard as her heart thumped nervously against her ribs. All at once she felt impatient for the meld and yet apprehensive. She couldn’t even begin to speculate how this meld would affect her and once done she would have to live with whatever those effects were.

Leading the way into the spare bedroom for the second time that evening, Sadara lowered herself gently to sit on the edge of the queen size bed. In the corner of the room near the closet Pike’s electric guitars were propped up. Music had been a mutual love of theirs and they both played, though Sadara enjoyed singing a little bit more. Memories of quiet weekends together in this very room playing their guitars came unbidden, but she turned her focus to quieting her mind in preparation for the meld. Fortunately the clinking of dishes being washed in the kitchen was muffled enough that Sadara and Spock weren’t disturbed by the noise despite their superior Vulcan hearing. They could just make out the hushed voices of their friends in the background.

After a long moment, Spock joined Sadara on the edge of the bed. The added weight depressed the mattress slightly and Sadara adjusted her position to get comfortable again. Vulcan/Human hybrid regarded Vulcan/Human hybrid. Spock’s warm brown eyes held compassion and concern, relaxing Sadara somewhat. She knew she could trust him not to hurt her and she let out the deep breath she’d barely realized she’d been holding.

Long fingers searched out the meld points on Sadara’s ivory face. The young male’s right eyebrow lifted slightly as he took in her facial features as if for the first time. The upswept eyebrows and the delicately pointed ears marked her as part Vulcan, but her coloring was more reminiscent of his own mother’s race. Her large blue eyes, though not unheard of among Vulcans, were the deep blue of sapphires; and her dark brown hair was unusually curly for a Vulcan as well. She lacked the desert hued, exotic beauty of a Vulcan woman, though she wasn’t unattractive.

Shifting his focus away from the physical, Spock isolated his memories from the meld he’d shared with the late Admiral Pike. The experience coalesced into perfect, stark clarity once again and Spock lowered his mental shields so that Sadara could experience the thoughts, feelings, and images from her husband’s last moments. 

Sadara’s dark eyebrows furrowed as she experienced Pike’s difficulty breathing; the deep, labored breaths becoming increasingly futile gasps for air. Panic threatened to take over his entire being as it became ever more difficult to breathe and the realization that he was dying took hold. He fought for calm, but it eluded him as anger, fear, and sadness overwhelmed him.

The dying admiral had encouraged his young wife to be strong earlier that night, but could never have imagined that she would have to face this. At least not already. He would never see Sadara again. And he’d never see his son or daughter ever. That thought was the most damning and upsetting of all. He’d waited until he was finished captaining starships to start a family and now he’d die in Starfleet HQ before his firstborn even joined the world. Remorse, guilt, and anger filled him along with worry for his young wife. The last thing he’d ever wanted was to abandon her with a young child or leave that child without a father; and fury filled him for the man who had done this to his family. The longtime Starfleet officer continued fighting for air and just barely noted the surprise widening Spock’s deep brown eyes as Spock registered the uncharacteristic fury welling up in his commanding officer.

As Pike stared at Spock he could feel the calm and comfort that the young Vulcan man was projecting. The admiral was grateful for the Vulcan’s consideration and he tried to put his final moments to good use, focusing on what he wanted for his wife and their coming baby instead of the unproductive anger he’d been feeling. He knew that he could count on Spock to at least deliver a message, if not try to do more if possible so Pike focused on wanting Sadara to move on soon and find someone new; someone she loved and would love her and who would be happy to be a father to another man’s child.

His eyesight fading, Pike could no longer focus on Spock’s face. The last thing he felt as the darkness claimed him was the single tear tracking down his cheek.

W^^^W^^^W

Sadara gasped as Spock’s hand lifted from her now tear stained cheeks. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized she’d been crying, but mind melds could be extremely absorbing to the exclusion of external stimuli. The spots where Spock’s warm fingers had been were now cold. Spock regarded her silently with concern.

“I wish he hadn’t felt so much guilt. None of this was his fault,” she murmured softly.

Spock’s eyebrow lifted once more. “I have noted that it appears to be a human characteristic to experience unwarranted emotions. I concur that Admiral Pike’s guilt was unnecessary though it does not change the fact that that was what he felt. As you just learned, his most pressing concern was for you and your child. I understand that healing will require time; however, I encourage you to attempt to honor his last wishes and move on. Lingering in the past and over his death will not allow either one of you to be free.”

Sadara pondered his words for a moment. “Vulcans have katras, Spock. I’m not certain humans experience anything save for oblivion after death. It does pain me to say that.”

“Perhaps humans do not have katras; however it is possible that there is some form of life after death for them as well. In any event, you and your son or daughter are still among the living and at the very least, you should move on for your sakes.”

“I understand,” Sadara nodded. 

She and Spock regarded each other for a long moment, both still pondering Pike’s last wishes.


	13. Support

“Hey, Sadara…?” Kathy Bradley came out of the spare bedroom, running a brush through her wavy red hair. She sounded hesitant, even spooked if Sadara was reading her vocal inflections correctly. The hybrid poked her head out of the other bedroom with a raised eyebrow, indicating for her best friend to continue.

Kathy knew that Sadara was going to roll her eyes when she told her because Sadara didn’t believe in this stuff, but she pointed a perfectly manicured finger over at the music box that Pike had given to Sadara as a birthday present the year before.

“Does that thing ever play by itself when you’re alone here?”

Sadara glanced at the music box and then back to Kathy, her icy glare freezing Kathy in her tracks. “That’s not even remotely funny, Kathy! You should know that. How can you joke about something like that?!”

“I’m not joking, Sadara. At all. That thing has played three times over the last few weeks when I’ve been here alone.”

Sadara put up a hand to stop her friend from continuing. Sadara had no doubt that her friend was telling the truth, but Sadara was still not a believer in the paranormal and she could not bring herself to believe that somehow the spirit of Christopher Pike was winding up her music box. She was too close to regaining some semblance of normalcy in her life to take two steps backward in the grieving process.

“Look, Kathy,” the Vulcan/Human hybrid said gently. “I know you believe in that stuff, but surely there is another explanation. If humans do experience some form of afterlife, I’m sure there are better things for Chris to do in it than hang around us.”

Kathy shook her head in firm disagreement. “I think this is exactly where he’d be; watching over you and the baby”

“As pleasing a thought as that might be, my friend, I cannot heal if I cling to some notion that Chris might be watching over us. Besides, why would he make himself known to you and not me? No offense, but I was his wife.”

“I may be more sensitive to it,” Kathy shrugged. The paranormal was filled with so many unanswered questions. Belief in the paranormal was much like faith in a god. For those who believed, no proof was required. For those who didn’t, no evidence was enough. Unless Sadara experienced it for herself, she likely wouldn’t change her mind.

Kathy sighed, but dropped the subject for the time being. She could very well be wrong, but somehow she didn’t think so.

W^^^W^^^W

A few months later in May, the Academy finally let out for the summer, much to the relief of both women. Finals had been grueling, but were mercifully over for the year. In August they would begin their fourth and final year at Starfleet Academy. The light at the end of the tunnel was finally visible on the horizon. Kathy though was concerned for Sadara. The baby was due in October and that meant that Sadara would have her hands full with her studies as well as a single mother of an infant for the majority of the school year. She was part Vulcan so that gave her a leg up in terms of memory and attention to detail, but she wasn’t Wonder Woman.

It had taken some time after Pike’s death, but Sadara finally herself ready for karaoke nights again. Kathy had wanted to resume their normal routine a while ago, feeling it was healthier for Sadara to get out and get back to normal, but she hadn’t pushed the young widow to do so either. Pushing Sadara to do things she wasn’t ready for usually elicited the opposite response; she dug her heels in further just to prove she wouldn’t be forced into anything.

They had gone out for a few hours before Sadara decided to call it an early night, claiming she was tired. Kathy didn’t question her friend on that one; she was certain the pregnancy, now in the second trimester, was taking a toll on her.

Kathy had returned to the apartment not long after that, finding the karaoke scene less appealing without Sadara’s company. Faintly she could hear the quiet sniffles from the master bedroom and Kathy frowned. She walked over to the door that was slightly cracked and knocked gently.

“Come in,” Sadara called quietly and sat up, squinting her eyes against the harsh light coming in from the living room.

“Are you okay?” Kathy’s voice was tinged with concern and she sat down on the bed next to Sadara.

Sadara sighed and was silent for a moment. She really wasn’t sure what to say because she felt foolish for the way she was feeling and she wiped away the tears tracking down her cheeks.

“I felt the baby’s kicks for the first time while we were out.”

A bright, genuine smile covered Kathy’s face. “But that’s wonderful, Sadara!”

“I keep reminding myself of that, but at that moment, I felt… lonely. It was a strange feeling. How can you possibly feel lonely running around with another being inside you and in a room full of people, but that’s how I felt. Lonely. Chris wasn’t here to share the moment with or tell when he got home from work or anything like that. And it’s going to be like that for everything. First steps, first words, first day at school… I really need to learn how to celebrate these events without feeling sad about them as well.”

Pulling her friend into a fierce hug, Kathy stroked Sadara’s back gently. “I’m not sure that will be completely possible in your situation because it is sad that Chris can’t be here for those things. I think it might get easier with time; that the happy feelings won’t be so overshadowed by the sadness anymore.”

“I hope you’re right, Kathy because this kid deserves a mom who can put all that behind her.”

W^^^W^^^W

Commander Spock kept pace with his close friend and captain, Jim Kirk as they made their way across the courtyard just outside the main building where most of Starfleet Academy’s classes were held.

Kirk wasn’t moving with his usual exuberance on this occasion and he appeared to be scanning the courtyard for someone in particular. Spock knew better than to think that even though his commanding officer appeared distracted, more often than not, he still likely heard every word that came out of Spock’s mouth.

Spock cocked a curious eyebrow at Kirk. “Captain, may I ask who it is you’re looking for?”

“Lochlan, Spock.”

“In that case, she’s sitting on the bench directly behind you with Kathleen Bradley. And if your intent is to “check in on her” I did so 2.8 days ago. She and the baby are well.”

Kirk snorted, partly amused, but also somewhat annoyed. “I should’ve known you’d spot her before me.”

The blonde, bright blue eyed captain paused a moment before his expression turned incredulous. “And you did what? Without me?”

For some reason, Kirk had a difficult time picturing Spock making frequent visits to check up on a pregnant woman; especially when the woman was carrying another man’s child. Apparently he’d made at least one though as Kirk had never known Spock to tell a lie; a fact Kirk was only too painfully aware of when he’d almost lost the Enterprise earlier in the year as a result of Spock’s compulsive truth telling. That had been February. It was now early September and the handsome Starfleet captain had done a great deal of thinking and maturing since those dark days when they’d lost a good friend and father figure in Admiral Christopher Pike; and almost everything else, just short of their lives, thanks to those madmen, Khan and Admiral Marcus.

“I was not aware that I was to seek your permission prior to meeting with Admiral Pike’s widow,” Spock said somewhat sarcastically. “I have taken the liberty of visiting with her on several occasions since the Admiral’s death for the purpose of making certain she and their unborn child are well.”

Kirk sighed. “I would have liked to have gone along if you’d just said something. The truth is…,” he paused and looked away from his Vulcan friend for a moment, then finally met those warm brown eyes again. “I want to be a father to that kid. I know what it’s like to grow up without a dad who cares. My stepfather never made that kind of effort with me and Sam, but in the few years that I knew Admiral Pike, he did.”

Spock’s eyebrows knitted together in surprise. Caution filled him upon consideration of Kirk’s wishes, and plan, as Kirk was here to locate Lochlan. Logically, that meant he wished to propose the idea to her. Urgency filled him to convince his comrade to reconsider.

“Jim, as noble as your desire to bring up Admiral Pike’s child is, I feel it is my duty to point out that you too are a Starfleet officer and could at any time be killed in action just as Admiral Pike was. Even if you aren’t intending to pursue a romantic relationship with her as well, I submit that insinuating yourself in that child’s life, no matter how well intended, could potentially do more harm than good. I think the wiser course of action would be to let the young woman search for a new mate and father for her child on her own.”

Kirk just stared at his pointy eared first officer. “Are you kidding me? You’re seriously suggesting that it would be better for this child to have no father at all. I suppose that’s easy to say when you had your father.”

Spock pressed on, undeterred by Kirk’s emotional reply. “I’m suggesting that given your responsibilities as a starship captain, you will be in and out of that child’s life. That may be a more difficult adjustment for the child than accepting that its father passed before it was born.”

Kirk glanced behind him to see if Sadara and Kathy were still chatting on the bench behind them. It was a delightfully warm and sunny day in San Francisco and the two women were enjoying it immensely. Even Sadara was laughing and smiling again, perhaps momentarily forgetting the horrors of earlier in the year. The baby was due in about six weeks, but Kirk couldn’t help but notice that the young hybrid looked as if she could pop any day now. He couldn’t help but wonder how lonely her pregnancy must have been to this point and mentally chastised himself for not reaching this decision earlier. Still, the young man had wanted to be certain that it was a responsibility he truly wanted and not simply because he felt he owed it to the father figure so cruelly ripped from his life.  
“Spock, I’m going to talk to her. You can be cautious all you want.”

With that, Kirk strode over to the bench and politely asked to interrupt for a moment to speak to Sadara privately. Kathy rose to her feet and excused herself to the ladies’ room for a few minutes, then bounded up the stairs back into the building.

Kirk wasn’t certain how best to go about a conversation like this. He was almost always blunt, even when some situations required more delicacy. He looked down for a moment, trying to find the words, then lifted his head and decided on the direct approach.

“I’ve given this a lot of thought and I want to be a father to your child.”

Sadara’s sapphire blue eyes widened with surprise. She hadn’t been expecting anything like that from anyone; and she was honestly stunned speechless. It took her a few moments to fully digest what his offer and generate a response.

She reached out to touch Kirk’s hand and her large eyes were misting over with unshed tears. “Oh Jim, I’m touched beyond belief that you want to be part of this child’s life. I know that Chris would have wanted that, but you don’t owe his child anything because of what happened to him.”

“I know that,” Kirk said with sincerity. His blue eyes showed the determination and resolve he was known for. When he made up his mind, there was no hesitancy or second guessing himself. “But I know what it’s like to grow up without a father and that’s not something I’d want for Chris’ kid. I can make it different for his kid. And I want to.”

Silence hung between them for a few uneasy moments. Kirk realized it was a lot for Sadara to take in, but he fervently hoped that whatever her decision was, it was made with the child’s best interests at heart and not what personal or social mores insisted on.

She squeezed his hand gently and a bittersweet smile touched her full lips. “Alright, Jim. The baby is going to be lucky to have someone care about it so much. And I know Chris would be happy about it.”


	14. Baby's Arrival

Kirk and Spock materialized in the Enterprise’s transporter room to find Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, ship’s communications officer standing with her hands posed authoritatively on her hips and her dark brown eyes glaring daggers at Commander Spock. Next to her, the transporter chief cast a confused, but cautious glance at the red mini-skirted lieutenant before sparing the flagship’s first officer a sympathetic look. Even Captain Kirk winced at the icy look the fiery Uhura gave Spock.

“I don’t know what you’re in the doghouse for this time, but good luck,” Kirk muttered under his breath as he hopped off the transporter platform and strode out of the room. The transporter chief, also sensing the oppressive atmosphere in the room, followed his captain out into the hallway, leaving the hapless Vulcan/Human hybrid to answer for whatever relationship sin he’d unknowingly committed.

“I’m beginning to wonder if there are three people in this relationship,” Uhura began icily as the door to the transporter room swished shut with a soft hiss. “Well, make that four.”

Spock slowly stepped off the beaming pad and approached his angry girlfriend cautiously. Relationships with human females were fraught with misunderstandings and figurative landmines that Spock felt ill equipped to foresee or even deal with. He’d been assured by numerous human males that even they hadn’t figured it out even though human men had tried in vain for millennia. And though Spock had never been in a relationship with a Vulcan female either, he knew that Vulcan women almost certainly had to be easier to reason with since they too, operated logically. Spock’s best friend, Jim Kirk was confident, even arrogant, about most things, but Spock had never heard him speak of any long term romantic entanglements and Spock could understand way. It surely seemed as if there was a trap door underneath some good intentions with human women. Or at least this one.

“I am not certain I know what you mean…,” the raven haired Vulcan said. His slanted eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Given the number of “unwelcome additions” she’s so sarcastically alluded to in their relationship, he could guess that she meant his visits to Admiral Pike’s pregnant widow to check up on her. Still, he found it incredible that he was “in the doghouse” as Kirk put it for seeing to the well being of a late superior officer’s family. For a split second, Spock wondered if this was simply the irrationality that accompanied “that time of the month” for human women. Reasoning with Uhura during that week was akin to reasoning with a Vulcan male in the throes of Pon Farr. It was simply best to wait until that raging thunderstorm had passed.

“Nyota, the captain and I have both been looking in on Admiral Pike’s widow. We both held the admiral in the highest regard and thought it appropriate to make certain that his wife and unborn child adjust as comfortably as possible.”

“And I have nothing but sympathy and compassion for what she has gone through, but every time we return to Earth you disappear to go look in on her and never give a thought to spending some leave time with me. And don’t bring the captain into this. Just because he goes along too doesn’t get you off the hook. It isn’t like he’s holding a phaser to your head. I’m not stupid, Spock. I know Sadara has pointed ears. If you’d rather go make more Vulcans with her, just say it.”

“Nyota…,” Spock shook his head, hurt clouding his warm brown eyes. “You are assuming an intention I do not have. And keep in mind that we are only occasionally on Earth while you and I are together aboard ship everyday. Admiral Pike’s wife is hardly getting the majority of my attention and absolutely none of it in a romantic sense.”

A loud exhale escaped Uhura. She believed him as she’d never known him to tell a lie, but it still didn’t sit well with her that one grieving widow was generating so much concern and attention. Seriously, didn’t this girl have her own family and friends to lean on? Perhaps she did and Kirk and Spock did it all out of some lingering feeling of obligation to a man who did so much to support them. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to simmer down and consider the situation from other angles. She did feel a bit childish getting so wound up over the attention a pregnant woman was getting. Shouldn’t she be happy that the poor woman was getting support? And beyond that, how threatening and sexy could someone’s pregnant widow be anyway? Though sometimes men had a thing for vulnerable women… And Uhura was still angry that Spock was devoting time away from them in order to do it.

“Fine. Do what you want, Spock.” Spock was stubborn and would do whatever he thought was logically best; and Uhura couldn’t complain that it wasn’t with good intentions. She only hoped that he wouldn’t forget her along the way. Turning on her heels, she stormed out of the transporter room leaving Spock rooted to the floor in her wake. His right eyebrow lifted and a silent sigh escaped him. 

“Fascinating…” He wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not. He wondered briefly if remaining involved with her would require more patience and tolerance than he was capable of. Sure, his own father had successfully and contentedly remained in a long term relationship with a human female, but Spock was half human himself; and though he cared for Nyota Uhura, loved her even, he couldn’t deny that she was trying and difficult at times. Logic would dictate that he marry a Vulcan woman, or at least, a part Vulcan woman and help to repopulate the Vulcan race, but sometimes his Human half decided things instead.

Perhaps Kirk and McCoy could offer some useful advice.

W^^^W^^^W

“But most women nag, Spock. Why do you think I’m not in a serious relationship?” 

Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the USS Enterprise shrugged out of his gold uniform shirt and tossed it over a chairback. He had just come off duty and found his first officer loitering by his door, waiting patiently for his captain and best friend’s arrival. When they had first met, it had been arguing over Kirk’s tampering with the Academy’s Kobayashi Maru simulation; and at the time neither could have anticipated becoming best friends. Over time though they had both come to realize that they each had qualities that the other needed. They still bickered often though; usually regarding Starfleet regulations.

“Your actions suggest you would not mind the possibility of becoming closer to Sadara.”

“Spock, she’s a gorgeous woman, but my concern is for her well being and the well being of her baby. I’m not trying to make a move on her.”  
“Jim, as I attempted to warn you the last time you visited Sadara, I believe you are influenced by multiple factors, not the least of which is an attraction to the vulnerability of Pike’s widow as well as a deep sense of obligation to care for his family in his absence. The more time you spend with her and her child, the more attached you will become to her and she to you. She has already lost someone to the service.”

Kirk stopped and stared at Spock in disbelief. “Okay, how did this conversation all of a sudden become about me. I thought we were talking about you and Uhura? And your opposition to my desire to help rise Pike’s child is beginning to sound suspiciously like you want me out of your way so you can make a move on her. You’ve made far more visits to her since Pike’s death than I have.”

Kirk winked teasingly at Spock and moved into the bathroom to finish changing into off duty clothes. 

“Nyota was of a similar mind earlier. She accused me of wishing to “go make Vulcan babies with Sadara.”

That made Kirk laugh out loud and Spock’s eyebrows hit his immaculate bangs. “I fail to see the humor in this situation.”

“Spock, she’s a woman. They get jealous and paranoid and possessive and all that. Well, human women anyway. If you wish to keep Nyota you may have to stop looking in on Sadara, not matter how well intentioned. Besides, she has me to do that.”

Kirk’s bright blue eyes positively twinkled as he reminded Spock of that fact.

The knowledge did nothing to put Spock at ease.

W^^^W^^^W

 

The argument with Uhura a month earlier had done nothing to deter Spock from doing what he felt was right. The Vulcan/Human hybrid wasn’t completely convinced that his best friend and senior officer really had the maturity to be a father, though he was convinced that Kirk believed he did. The raven haired Spock was also convinced that Kirk was motivated by a deep seated need to take on this enormous responsibility out of a sense of obligation to his late mentor and father figure.

To some extent, Spock also felt a sense of obligation, but more to the quarter Vulcan child Sadara carried rather than to Pike himself. With the survival of the Vulcan species in jeopardy, Spock felt a need to be in the child’s life and help instruct it in the ways of the Vulcan people. Perhaps with enough influence the child might choose to follow the Vulcan path and marry into a Vulcan family. Sadara favored her human half and Spock wasn’t entirely certain how much of the Vulcan culture she was actually familiar with and would be willing to teach her coming child. The challenge was to persuade Sadara to allow him to do that. Perhaps that was a factor in why he so vehemently opposed Kirk’s involvement in the child’s life. Kirk’s enthusiasm and impulsive ways could easily impede everything Spock could hope to accomplish with the child.

As Sadara opened the door to her apartment, the first thing Spock noted was that Sadara looked exhausted. And in pain.

“Sadara?” Spock entered the apartment, his face a mask of concern.

“I’m alright. Just… contractions. They’re not close together right now so it’s too early to go to the hospital they said.”

Her small hand rested on her baby bump as she went into the kitchen to pour some juice. Coming back out into the living room, the heavily pregnant woman handed one glass to the other Vulcan/Human hybrid.

“To be honest, I’m glad it’s almost time. I was getting to a point where I could hardly breathe anymore,” Sadara mumbled. “Chris isn’t going to be there though obviously and that’s upsetting to me still.”

“I wish I had something of comfort to say,” Spock said. He went silent a moment and then hesitantly reached toward her. “May I?”

Sadara nodded, curious as to Spock’s intent. She thought he simply wished to feel the baby kick, even though at this stage of the game, that occurred with less frequency. “Of course.

Gingerly laying a hand on her rounded midsection, Spock reached for the psi points on Sadara’s face with his other hand. It dawned on Sadara that Spock was working to share the child’s consciousness with her. It was somehow easier for the males to accomplish this than the females even though the women were the ones who carried the children. Perhaps it was an evolutionary adaptation so the women weren’t constantly inundated with the erratic, developing thoughts and minds of their unborn children.

Through the contact, Spock was able to share with Sadara her baby’s eagerness to join the outside world and its innate curiosity about its parents. 

“That’s incredible, Spock! I had no idea that its thoughts would be so developed.” Sadara’s sapphire eyes were wide with excitement.

“It is a fascinating experience, I agree,” Spock nodded as he withdrew his hands after a few more moments. “One I thought you should have before the child arrived.”

“I thank you for that.”

Spock nodded. “Does Jim know you’ve begun labor.”  
“He does. He said he would be here within the hour so I expect him soon. I assured him it wasn’t yet time to go to the hospital so he had some time to finish up his business for the day if he had any.”

“In that case, we shall simply wait for him to arrive. Do you wish to go lay down for the moment.”

“I think I’m alright for now, Spock, but thanks.

Sadara was pretty certain rest would be a fabulous idea given the ordeal to come, but she wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep through the contractions.

W^^^W^^^W

Exhausted, Sadara collapsed against the pillows of her hospital bed, tears of joy spilling from her sapphire eyes as she cherished the sound of her newborn’s first cries. On either side of her were Jim Kirk and surprisingly, Spock who had chosen to remain for the baby’s birth as well even though it wasn’t customary for Vulcan males to be present for such a thing. Sadara’s mother, Solara unfortunately hadn’t made it in time for the birth. She had moved to New Vulcan to help establish the Vulcan colony; and with the child’s due date not set until the middle of October, she hadn’t made arrangements to return to Earth until then. And Sadara’s best friend, Kathleen Bradley was away on a Starfleet Academy field exercise. She would be disappointed at having missed it all.

Born on September 29, the newborn was at least two weeks early. At 7 pounds, 14 ounces, the baby was very small for a Vulcan baby, but average for a human one. Jim and Spock both watched with awe as Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy cleaned the baby up and swaddled it gently in a thick, white blanket. Seeing that McCoy was about to hand the baby to Sadara, the blonde, bright blue eyed Jim Kirk let go of Sadara’s hand.

“Well, I’d say your little tiger here is the spittin’ image of his father,” McCoy said with a rare, genuine smile as he gently transferred the baby to Sadara. “Except of course for the pointed ears.”

Sadara smiled joyfully at McCoy and adjusted her new son in her arms. ‘Thank you, doctor.”

With a deep, contented sigh, Sadara gazed at her new baby. He did indeed look very much like his late father, Chris. A light shock of blonde hair grazed his head and the eyes were the same grayish blue. It even appeared that he’d have the same nose and lips. The moment was certainly bittersweet in ways. As overjoyed as she was that her son had arrived healthy and happy, the Vulcan/Human woman couldn’t help but feel the sting of sadness that Pike wasn’t here to greet his son with her. There was no way to truly know if her late husband was watching over them somewhere, somehow.

Kirk reached out to caress the little boy’s hand and chuckled. “He really doesn’t look a thing like you, Sadara.”

Spock cocked his head. “The child does have Sadara’s Vulcan features; her ears and eyebrows.”

McCoy, who was only partly listening to the conversation between the three, was giving instructions to the nurses to straighten up around the room and have meals brought up now that his patient had delivered and would be able to eat again. He was certain that after 16 hours of labor, she would be ravenous.

“Do you have a name picked out?” McCoy asked as he made notes on a datapadd.

Jim peered at the baby for a long moment. “I think you almost have to name him after his father given the resemblance. Perhaps a Vulcan name as a middle name?”

Sadara thought about it for a long moment, trying to decide on a Vulcan name that might suit the child. “Sevel…,” she murmured, trying it out.

Spock nodded. “Star of Prosperity. A name with an optimistic meaning and a nod to his father’s fondness of space travel.”

“Christopher Sevel Pike it is then,” Sadara said, looking up at Doctor McCoy.

“Excellent. I’ll prepare the birth certificate. You can have a look at it and return it to me when you’re ready,” McCoy nodded, vanishing into his office for a while.

Sadara continued to find it difficult to tear her gaze away from her new baby. While she was certain most mothers would argue their baby was the most beautiful, Sadara had to admit that hers had turned out to be a good looking boy.

“I wish Chris could have been here…” Sadara whispered softly, tears threatening once more.

Kirk’s expression turned serious even as hers did and he squeezed her hand gently. “We’ll all make certain he knows his father, I promise you that.”

Sadara smiled and squeezed back. “Thank you both for being here for us. I couldn’t have done this without you guys.”

That statement made Spock raise an eyebrow. “One does not thank logic, Sadara. As a half Vulcan, you should know this.”

Kirk snorted and chuckled, shaking his head. “Seriously, Spock?” He turned back to Sadara. “Don’t mention it, Sadara. That’s what friends are for.”


	15. New Beginnings

The front door quietly clicked open and Sadara entered, dropping the several bags she’d been carrying onto the floor beside the door. She hung up on her coat quickly and hurried into the kitchen to find something to drink while she heard merciful silence in the apartment. Almost twelve months of motherhood had taught her to accomplish as much as she could while baby Christopher was asleep.

“Uh oh, I think I hear mom,” Jim Kirk said as he carried eleven month old Christopher out into the living room. “Look at that, it is mom! And she’s been shopping. Hopefully for herself this time. At the very least it looks like she had her hair done. We should go tell her how beautiful she is, how ‘bout that?”

Sadara grinned and took little Chris from Jim and kissed the baby’s forehead gently. “Thank you. I hope he wasn’t too fussy…”

Kirk shook his head and caressed the baby’s head with a grin. “He slept most of the time you were gone. Got up a few times to be fed. He’s an eating machine, you know that.”

“Just wait until he’s old enough to give orders from the high chair,” the young mother chuckled, glancing up at Kirk with a knowing smile.

Picturing that in his head, Kirk laughed out loud. “It’s a good thing I can cook or else I’d be getting the “I dare you to do better” lecture from that high chair. I swear he already looks at me with his old man’s eyes.”

The thought sobered the two adults up slightly as memories of Christopher Pike came unbidden to both of them.

“I’m sorry,” Kirk whispered softly, touching Sadara’s arm lightly and rummaging about for something to drink himself. He found cranberry juice which was Sadara’s favorite cold drink.

“Don’t be. The last thing I’d want is for Chris to become a subject no one ever mentions again.”

Sadara shifted Chris to her other arm and stroked the baby’s cheek. “So, hot date tonight, Jim?”

She meant it in a teasing way, knowing his reputation for pursuing the ladies, but the light in her large eyes faded when he glanced up at her and then away again, looking pensive and for him, forlorn.

“Jim?” she asked, concern tingeing her soft voice. 

“I haven’t been dating anyone, Sadara. Not for months. I haven’t even had a one night stand.”

Sadara had an urge to joke with him again and ask him if he was depressed or ill or something, but the look in his handsome face told her that it was no laughing matter. She misattributed the cause though.

“If Chris and I are imposing on your time too much, you’re not obligated to be here…,” she started.

Jim Kirk approached Sadara again, sincerity darkening his bright blue eyes. “You two are most definitely not imposing on my time. In fact, I can’t imagine spending my time with anyone else besides little Chris here. And you. And you have no idea how guilty that makes me feel.”

The young captain of the USS Enterprise turned away from the young hybrid. “When I signed on to be Chris’ dad, that’s all I expected; to be Chris’ dad. I wasn’t expecting to feel the way I do about his mother.”

Sadara remained silent as Kirk continued. He snickered ruefully and in that self deprecating way he sometimes had when he felt that things weren’t turning out the way he’d anticipated.

“The truth is I hadn’t noticed you before. I was too busy being a jerk and chasing women who wanted nothing but a good time; but now that I’ve had the opportunity to be around you and get to know you, I can completely understand what Admiral Pike saw in you.”

Still stunned silent, Sadara’s mind whirled. It was true that she had just finished her bachelor’s degree in psychology and she had no experience applying her knowledge yet, but part of her couldn’t help but wonder if Kirk was mistaken about his feelings for her. She had no idea the best way to even go about asking him about that. Human males often found themselves attracted to vulnerable women as it aroused their need and desire to protect her. It was no secret that human men wanted to be needed. Widowed and pregnant when Kirk asked to be part of the baby’s life, Sadara couldn’t have been any more vulnerable at that time.

“Why the guilt?” She asked as she rocked back and forth, trying to comfort an increasingly fussy Chris who had just woken up from his nap. She suspected she knew why he felt guilty, but she couldn’t be certain unless he told her.

“Because he was my mentor; he was even like a father to me,” Kirk said numbly, staring straight ahead at the empty chair across from him. “I feel like I’m disrespecting him by feeling the way I do.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself, Jim. Chris wouldn’t want us to be alone our whole lives. I don’t think he’d feel disrespected at all. In fact, I think he’d be happy and relieved that someone else stepped up when he couldn’t.”

Kirk nodded and let out a deep sigh. “I know, I know. I keep trying to tell myself that, but I still feel guilty as hell. It makes me feel like a damned vulture or something.”

The tall young man stood. “I think I’m going to go for a walk and see if I can sort it all out in my head. I’ll be back in a little while and we’ll talk about it some more then.”

He exited the apartment quietly, leaving Sadara to wonder about her own future. Did she have the courage to get involved with another Starfleet officer knowing the risks?


End file.
